Anyone else scared the pandemic will force you to move back home (or that you won't be able to)?

[lonelyglassesgirl]

Hey everyone,

I guess this is something I should ask on the LGBT forum. I'm a woman who's mostly attracted to women, and I'm not out at all to my conservative Christian family.

Fortunately, I moved out of home as soon as I could, and have lived out of home for the past seven years. It's been hard for me to come to terms with my sexuality, but I think I need to accept that I'm probably a lesbian rather than "a bisexual who'll hopefully end up with a guy so it's less scary re my family".

Unfortunately, the pandemic means I might have to move back home. On the one hand, I'm very grateful that I can still move back, though I honestly don't know what would happen if my parents found out. I'd probably just have to hide my sexuality and not date anyone (not that I could anyway; my parents live in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive, due to a disability) until I could move out again, which could take years.

My mum is already ratcheting up the pressure for me to move home. She knows I'm atheist, and I'm scared she suspects the sexuality thing as well. She claims I should be happy I wouldn't be "out on the street" if I ran out of money, but there are honestly a lot of situations I'd rather be in than living there -- not the actual street, but like sharing a room with someone or living on a couch or something.

They always mention religious stuff in front of me and then act really, really hurt if I don't engage positively, when actually it hurts me so much inside because of what that religion made me believe about myself and my sexuality for my whole teens (also the Hell stuff scared me in general, for reasons unrelated to sexuality). I know my mum believes I'm evil just for being an atheist; she has basically told me as much, and has said so much bad stuff to me about both atheists and lesbians.

She acts like she's enlightened because she claims to think that non-Christian people don't actually go to Hell, but rather than their souls are obliterated when they die and their relatives forget about them. And then gets all misty-eyed and expects me to sympathise with her and how progressive she is.

I just feel so hopeless. If I live with my parents, I won't be able to have a social life, let alone a romantic one, let alone a lesbian romantic one, for who knows how many years. How old will I be before I can even start living life and constructing some sort of future for myself? 28? 30? Older?

I keep staying up all night crying about this.

[CalmCat]

Hey lonelyglassesgirl,

Thanks for such a vulnerable post, I really enjoyed reading it.

I've had the complete opposite experience to you. I'm a gay male, and I didn't move out of my atheist parents house till I was 32 (did give it a brief try at 27).

Just think of all the positives, which is saving money and staying safe with people who love you unconditionally. I totally hear you though when it comes to privacy and romance. Make sure you have a vehicle to travel to loved ones in, your vehicle will be life saving.

Good luck and please let us know how you go.

From my heart to your,

Doz

[lonelyglassesgirl]

Thanks Doz86. I don't drive, due to a disability*, so I'd be stuck getting the bus which comes once an hour and stops after 6pm. 😕

*It's plausible I could learn to drive, but I'd probably need an occupational therapist at least to do an assessment before I started to learn -- and who knows when it'll be legal for three unrelated people (me, instructor, OT) to get in the same car again?

[lonelyglassesgirl]

Oh man, I was thinking about this again, and I realised that because my mum has a health condition, she can also make everyone else in the family stay home (beyond what's required or normally sensible during the pandemic). I also talked to my friend about this whole situation last night, including some aspects I haven't mentioned here. Then I woke up at like 4:30am with a really bad stomachache and couldn't move.

Aargh, I'm just so stressed. Start of this year, because I had decent savings and a full-time job (I'm 26 BTW) I finally moved out of share houses and into my own flat. Which is kind of the worst/cheapest flat ever, but subjectively is the best flat ever, because it's all mine (in a renter way, obviously).

I'd really hoped that having my own space, and a double bed (which I've never had before) would help me to overcome some of my major anxieties about dating, intimacy, etc.

But of course coronavirus happened, and now I'm all alone (obviously) and unemployed and running down my savings -- mostly on the bills, which are mega high for some reason despite my putting on like 4 blankets/doonas so I barely have to use the heating.

Also I'm rather depressed and can't study, and instead find ways to procrastinate, even when I use an app to block the entire internet on my computer. e.g. writing my diary, and even writing fanfic (which, while fun, is for me usually a pretty bad sign in terms of mental health, even just reading it...)

[Guest_9872]

Hey lonelyglassesgirl,

I hope things get better for you. Let's hope there is a vaccine for coronavirus sooner rather than later. Loneliness can be scary - I have experienced it as well. Maybe you could find people to come and drive you to places so you don't have to drive, after the end of covid.