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am i NB?? what do i do?

Community Member

this is the first i've ever really spoken about this. I've always never liked being female, but I figured it was because of the inequality, dismissal and deeply engrained misogyny.

But lately, I'm not so sure. I dont think i particularly like being female, but I definitely do not want to be male at this time. Some days i am happy with my gender, but most days i want to be nothing. i feel like NB or even gender-fluid suits me, but i dont know how to go about it. my family wouldnt except me, either which makes it hard. I feel like i am too female (at the moment) to be anything else. Im also scared that this might be a phase???

Where do i go? how do i figure this out? i just want to be comfortable with myself.

Any advice or anecdotes of how you came to any realisations/felt comfortable & confident would really really help, this is so new and i am very lost.

thanks ❤️

3 Replies 3

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Jasminskye

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story. I know that it took courage to write down your thoughts and congratulate you for reaching out for support for the first time.

You've got a lot on your plate and I can understand your confusion. I would like to suggest that you start by making a double appointment with your GP, so you can have a good chat and get some personal advice.

You could also peruse the bb website for information or call the bb support line on 1300 22 4636. I used the support line to find the right help for my area of concern and received overwhelming kindness, care and expert advice.

Kind thoughts to you

Community Member
Hello, good to meet you

I am a trans man who can hopefully give you some insights.

Firstly, I would like to let you know that everybody’s experience is different, and that no two people are the same. Many individuals question their gender identity throughout their lives, and not everybody who does this ends up identifying as transgender. Questioning your gender identity, and your relationship to your assigned sex at birth, can be an important part of finding out who you are, and discerning what shape you would like your future to take. This is true regardless of which label you end up identifying with.

Secondly, many girls question their gender identity because they feel that narrow gender roles restrict them, and they don’t fit into society’s ideal of what a girl should be. Now, I’m not necessarily saying that you are experiencing this, but I do want you to be aware that this is a struggle many girls experience. Many such females end up being tomboys or masculine women, and explore gender non-conforming presentation as a way of reclaiming their femaleness. Pushing back against gender norms can be people’s motivation for questioning their gender, and this can particularly be true for women in a patriarchal, unequal society.

That being said, perhaps you are transgender! You’re clearly on a journey to find your most comfortable life, and that is valuable, no matter how you end up identifying. The only way to really figure it out is time, patience, and exploration.

Throughout our life, we all experience phases. Phases are not bad. Take your time, and allow yourself a “holding space” for unlabelled feelings. I would suggest calling yourself “questioning” for now, which allows you the freedom of trying new things, and moving between phases as you please.

Community Member
Here are some resources, which will hopefully assist you in figuring yourself out! Take the time to consider the experiences of butches and androgynous women, as well as non-binary people.