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Afraid of what could happen

CookieFrog
Community Member
I’m only in my first year of high school but for a while I’ve known that I’m definitely lesbian. Came out to a really close friend yesterday but don’t feel like I can ever tell my family. My mothers side is really homophobic and often unknowingly have talked down about lgbtq+. Belong to a very Christian family and feel like I can never actually be myself because of my fear about what could happen. I already see a school councillor for anxiety but if I told him then I’m worried he would tell my parents…
5 Replies 5

romantic_thi3f
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi CookieFrog,

Thank you for your post and for reaching out- I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time with this. While I'm not on the LGBTQ+ spectrum I do know what it's like to have a religious family and have seen conversations like this go both ways. I want more than anything for your parents to be accepting and I hope that they will- although I hope that if they aren't accepting at first, that they will over time.

I'm not sure if you've heard but there's an organisation called QLife that offers free counselling and webchat. They could be a cool place to talk too- and it's all anonymous. www.qlife.org.au

Also, with your school counsellor they will need to abide by confidentiality, which means that nothing leaves that room unless you are at risk of hurting yourself, someone else or child abuse. Otherwise it's free range - which means you can have these conversations without your parents knowing. Please bug your counsellor about this, or even get him to clarify what he would and wouldn't tell your parents.

I hope this helps. There's a lovely bunch of people here who will no doubt offer some more support and personal experience

rt

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi CookieFrog,

I'm very sorry to hear that you're having a really hard time with your current situation. Your courage and bravery to open up to your friend about your identity is very admirable, and something that should be looked up upon. I don't have any further advise to add on top of what rt have provided you with, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always ready to listen to you.

Jt

Thanks so much. I think I might wait a while until I feel comfortable because I’m still unsure about what would happen. My friend is very supportive as she is lgbtq herself and that’s why I first came to her. I’ll try to talk to my councillor next time I see him

Hi CookieFrog,

Thanks for being so brave and sharing your journey with us.

I'm sorry to hear that your journey of life has been abit rocky atm, but I'm thankful to hear that you have some amazing friends supporting you,

If you're from Victoria there is a great under age LGBTI organization/group called MINUS 18 that you could connect with people in a like minded position. Give them a Google!

Let us know your thoughts.

Regards,

CC

CJ43
Community Member

hey there CookieFrog,

i know how you feel, as i’ve been in pretty much the exact same situation, only you’ve figured it out a couple years earlier than i did, and good for you !!

believe me, the whole Christian family really throws a spanner in the works of things, as well as the homophobic mothers side (scary similar situations bro)

im really proud of you coming out to your friend, and knowing someone’s got your back, even if it’s one person for now, can make a world of difference.

i hope things went well with your councillor, as i know a big step for me was coming out to my own councillor. it felt as if i’d just popped the cork off a champagne bottle, and all the self-doubt and negativity came flowing up and out. it really helps being able to speak to a 3rd party about things who’s not in the day-to-day life.

as for coming out to your parents, this is a difficult one. i know a few months back all i wanted was for someone to tell me to just do it and assure me everything would turn out okay, but unfortunately due to the world we live in atm us lgbtq+ people can’t really afford to think too naively about things like this, especially if you feel you may be at risk of harm and/or homelessness. the only person who knows when it’s the right time to come out is you, and don’t feel like you need to rush it. that being said, i know how it feels to have the weight of it shadowing over your everyday life. i felt like since i hadn’t told anyone, it was this little dirty secret.

but it’s not. being a lesbian is a beautiful thing, and doesn’t have to be a source of shame.

i would advise that you take some time to get comfortable in your identity before coming out, as in my experience i wasn’t as affected by my family’s not-so-favourable reaction, because i’d had time to grow into myself (and grow a thicker skin) and i’m now am confident in myself and proud of who i am, and you should be too !! you don’t need other people’s approval for your existence to be valid ❤️

whatever has been going on in your life since you’ve made this post, i wish you the best

-CJ