You can't fight the Universe

[Wilbur1954]

I'm a really young thinking 65 male. Im outgoing, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, supportive.... the list goes on.
People seem to like me at first but no-one really wants to have a friendship. This has happened all my life and while having acquaintances is ok there aren't those special someones apart from my wife that i can share things with.
But I had an epithany a few years ago that life is governed by a higher power. I call it the Universe but others might refer to it as God, Fate or Luck.
The one sure thing in life is that you can't fight the Universe, so I'm destined never have true friends apart from my wife. But while the Universe lets me have my wife as a friend, It has ensured that I can't have a truly fulfilled marriage by making her have a low libido.
See, you can't beat the Universe!
I wondered how many other people out there feel as I do about the Universe. If you're out there my counsel is to just accept it. You'll surprisingly feel much better. Your expectations drop to zero. When you have no expectations then Life is so much better and easier to accept.
From reading a few posts on this site, i reckon my theory solves most of the problems cited.

[quirkywords]

Wilbur,

Welcome to the forum.

used to feel that if I had low expectations I would not get disappointed but I found having no or low expectations made me feel frustrated.

People have different beliefs, some like you have a belief in a higher power and that helps you.

I suppose I like to think I have some ability to change . I am a similar age to you and I find as I get older it is harder to make new friends. I have moved a few times this year due to the fires and it is hard to make friends.

Do you have a hobby, or do you like volunteering. My partner joined a service club and he found a friend or two as well as a sense of community. Just a thought may not suit you.

I think as humans we have control over our choices but at times we may not be happy with the result.

Feel free to continue the discussion here,

Quirky

[Wilbur1954]

Hi Quirky
Thank you for reading my post and offering positive advice.
But my mantra is "You can't fight the Universe". The Universe only allows me to meet people that I'm incompatible with or will initially appear nice only to let me down fairly quickly. It never lets me meet the nice people out there.
I know you are right in your advice but my only coping mechanism is to have no expectations. If I allow myself to have even the lowest of expectations is how I get frustrated and melancholy.
The other factor is that I compare the passage of time in life to football. Every 20 years of life is like a quarter in footy. So I'm deep into the last quarter and the chance of me making friends now is remote. People in my age group also have their friendship groups established and don't need people like me in their life.
In summary, living life by my mantra my not be the ideal but it is the best coping mechanism i have.

[geoff]

Hi Wilbur, the same age as I am and whether you believe it's a great age is up to your own discretion.

There are people on the forums and elsewhere who believe in either a universe or a god and I have no argument against them, they are entitled to think in what they believe in, no question there, however, my own thoughts are that I don't consider that there is any of this, my own opinion.

Your wife is a 'true friend' but you say she has a low libido, so does this break the connection, plus there are others who don't consider their wife to be their close friend.

To have expectations of respect, affection, intimacy and time together, means that you are getting your needs met by the person you love and trust, but relying on a 'friend' or a person to do something that you expect them to do on your behalf may lead to your disappointment and that's when all the trouble begins.

People who don't keep their promise aren't those I regard as a friend, an acquaintance they may become but their disloyalty can quite easily cause mental illness and that's what we want to avoid.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Wilbur1954,

While I can empathize with your outlook, I don’t think it’s a necessarily healthy one. About 5 years ago I had a stroke at the age of 30 - I have had health conditions for most of my life but never let them really get me down, until this. After the stroke, I stopped thinking about the future, I took up smoking, and other destructive behaviors, because what was the point, the universe wanted me to die and how can you fight the universe. I too found peace in that for a time, it was kind of liberating. But it’s also a kind of defeatist attitude that stops you from hoping and striving for better, for addressing your problems in the hopes that you find true happiness. If you think you are not destined to have friends you’ll stop trying, sometimes you need that discomfort to get you out of your rut. I’m 36 and don’t have many friends and am always on the look out. I know there are plenty of us out there, you just need to find us! These are just my thoughts 🙂

[therising]

Hi Wilbur

Being a 'Universe' gal, I find there are some seriously tough lessons/challenges in life when it comes to finding that often elusive flow. My personal belief is, for a start, you have to truly know who you are in order to find the flow (even then it's still a challenge).

You mention 'I'm a really young thinking 65 male. I'm outgoing, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, supportive.... the list goes on.' Not a lot of 65yo males out there with this kind of style. Sounds like you've hit the mark: It's said that the 3rd age follows the 1st age which is about the youthful energetic adventurous child and the 2nd which is about gaining maturity and wisdom through experience. The 3rd age is a balanced combination of the 2. Do you know many who are as well balanced as you?

Is it possible the universe has gifted you balance and you're struggling to find others as well balanced? Is what you're possibly struggling with the imbalance of others?

Personally, I found after coming out of a number of years in depression, I'd become pretty high vibey. Every cell in my body was craving excitement. I realised I was surrounded by a lot of laid back folk who told me to 'Calm down', so over time I did. I lost it Wilbur, I lost my love of life to some degree during those years where I toned it down for others. I've come to realise I can't live this way. It's too much of a struggle. So, I've been stepping foot into the world to explore life in more meaningful ways. This is a major challenge that is currently being put on hold for a while, as we all wait out the social challenges the world faces at the moment.

Wilbur, I believe that 'mid life crisis' many of us go through in our 40s/50s or later is perhaps the Universe's 'WAKE UP!!!' call. We face waking up to a need for excitement and adventure. Some will accept the challenge constructively and some not so much (the red sports car they can't afford or the affair that causes their spouse deep pain). When we do hear the call, some of us can find our self waking up in a playground on our own. We can definitely be left facing the complex challenge we met with in the 1st age - making new friends we deeply vibe with.

Like with any circle of friends, the circle will be comprised of a collection of our 'go to' people. Some we'll go to for deeper meaning or guidance, some for excitement, some for consolation (in sad times) and so on. While all in the circle may share common interests, not all offer the same unique traits.

🙂

[Betternow]

Hi therising

I read your post with much interest. I enjoy your posts and they give me plenty to think about. My own view of the universe (or multiverse, how many are there?) is somewhat different to yours.

I see the universe as completely uncaring and indifferent to our lives, our planet, our sun and even our galaxy. The laws of physics (as much as we understand them anyway) keep rolling on regardless of what happens in our insignificant lives. The universe is a disinterested spectator unconcerned with our petty foibles.

There have been millions of galaxies, stars, planets and maybe even life forms that have formed and disappeared over the last 14 billion years without leaving a trace of their existence, unless measured by astrophysicists.

The suffering and joy we experience on our short time on earth is real enough. All we can do is observe and try our best to help others and relieve suffering.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Wilbur (& a wave to all),

Thank you so much for starting this thread 🙂

I haven’t thoroughly read through it all yet, but it sounds as though there is a range of opinions.

Personally, what Betternow said really resonated with me 🙂

You said:

The laws of physics (as much as we understand them anyway) keep rolling on regardless of what happens in our insignificant lives. The universe is a disinterested spectator unconcerned with our petty foibles.

There have been millions of galaxies, stars, planets and maybe even life forms that have formed and disappeared over the last 14 billion years without leaving a trace of their existence, unless measured by astrophysicists.

The suffering and joy we experience on our short time on earth is real enough. All we can do is observe and try our best to help others and relieve suffering.

I don’t believe in fate. I don’t believe in destiny. There’s little that I believe in. So maybe that’s why I absolutely loved what you said...it spoke to me 🙂

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts.

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[Wilbur1954]

Hi Juliet84
Sorry to hear about your stroke and at such a young age. Hope you have fully recovered. I had a brain aneurysm 5 years ago and luckily didn't have any disabilities as a result.
Anyway I think you and others that have posted have misunderstood me. To accept that I cant beat the Universe is not defeatist but actually being a realist.
I was miserable till I accepted the fact. Don't get me wrong, I still crave friendships but I know it's a lost cause. But there is some good news in the offering. The limit on 10 persons at funerals suggested by the Govt due to the virus is welcomed by me. At least if I were to die while that was in force, then the absence of friends would not be noticeable.

[Wilbur1954]

Hi Pepper
I know this site is intended to be positive and helpful, that's why we all joined it.
But Betternow's post to me made no sense, going on about stars and galaxies etc. So I'm curious why it resonated with you.
Otherwise I must be as stupid as I am friendless.