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You are not alone. Pain and anxiety from breakups.
Over a year ago now, I hastily packed a bag with some things and drove away from everything I knew- my entire world. I slept in my car, showering and what have you, at my university campus. 25 years, a partner, children, in-laws, house, possessions, neighbours and friends- all disappeared in the wink of an eye. It was not an easy decision, but it was necessary for self preservation.
If you are suffering in a bad relationship, if you have recently broken up, or it has been a while since the break up but you are still hurting a great deal: I say to you "reach out". You may find help and support in the most unexpected places.
It has been a difficult year for many. With very fibre of me I wish you the very best into the future, know that you are not alone, know that others have walked the same path, and know that while we are all different, there are those who have had such incredible grief, and yet they have moved on and overcome or at least come to terms with their grief (In my darker moments I think of a friend I have, who lost his legs and family. I think to myself, 'though I am broken hearted and lonely, my lot is not such a bad one'). To a brighter future and a fresh new year full of promise.
What's revealing in your situation is your decisiveness. Many people tolerate the toxicity lifelong.
For some, a half way measure can be the answer, to discard some but not others.
I'm 64yo and back in my 20's I rejected society totally, well tried to. It didn't work out. I was from the city, over time I found the answers like in a country environment and my fortress whereby I can regulate who I choose to have in my life
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Fortress of survival
Fortress of survival part 2
It seems you have gone through so much loss, change and growth this past year- we hope you find the self-preservation you deserve. You are right- reaching out can be a very powerful thing. I hope 2021 looks up for you as well!
Just saw your thread and dropping in my friend. So sorry for what you must've of been through this yr.
8 yrs ago l was divorced , all just gone . l rented a house 5yrs near my daughter then went over to the cabin. No money but l still had my 1 ac place with the 5x3mtr cabin l built at home few yrs earlier and took over on the trailer in pieces . No power water bthr, just the shell . Tarped over what stuff l had left outside, moved in and slept on the floor . Built solar, water a bthr a little kitchen and loft bed. Spent 12 mths in that little cabin, loving my solar haha and in the end also living so minimalist and still look back on it. For a decent shower l'd go up to our main town and sneak into the caravan park.
Few yrs ago now but life can sure throw you a few can't it. l hope things are getting better for you,
All the best , rx.