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Worried my friend is getting used?

Community Member

Hi there,

So I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm really worried about a close friend of mine, who is also 17. Let's call her Rose. Rose is gay (and out to pretty much everyone) but lately she kept saying she's lonely and wants a girlfriend. Tonight, she messaged me and said she offered to hook up/sleep with a guy who is 20 something and who she doesn't know very well, I think she met him at a party once, because she's lonely and desperate. She's clearly not interested in a relationship with him at all and has suffered severe depression and anxiety in the past, although she's recovering now. At the time she met him, she described this guy flirting with her even though he knew she was gay and a lot younger than him.

Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with casual sex in general but the age difference bothers me and I talked to a mutual friend who said she thought Rose was being self destructive but that we can't do anything. I tried to tell Rose I was worried about her and to be safe but she just said "I love you and I'll be fine". I don't feel like Rose is that mature and can see this ending badly for her but I have no idea who I should tell or what to do since Rose isn't really listening to my warnings about getting used, even though I tried to be chill and friendly about it.


3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hello there,

it it sounds like you are a very good friend. It also sounds like you have done your best to discourage her from self destructive behaviour. It can be very hard to see our friends sabotage themselves. I gather from what you have said she doesn’t seem to share your concern. All I can suggest is you continue to support her. We can hope if it doesn’t turn out pleasantly that it may just be a learning experience with no lasting damage. Sometimes we can be so stubborn that we must learn things the hard way. My only hope is that she is safe and all acts are consensual. I realise this may not be the response you were looking for but having made similar mistakes at that age I understand why she is not concerned. I am now 25. Not to assume she is making a mistake.

Your attitude towards your friend is very admirable. You just being there for her Is enough.

My kindest regards and best of luck.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hello Vanilla, please let me welcome you.

Good advise from Strangefemme and from what you say Rose is lonely and I would be trying to discourage her from sleeping with this guy, even if she agrees, she is still underage and it complicates the situation, legally.

Are you able to talk with this chap first and warn him off.

Rose doesn't have to make a point. Geoff.

Hi there,

Thanks for getting back to me. I kept talking to my friend and she eventually said that she had called the whole thing off and realised it was a stupid idea. I'm kind of worried this guy will keep contacting her since she offered but at least she knows that it would have probably turned out badly and has made the right decision herself.