Worried My Boyfriend Likes His Co-worker

[Bee1998]

I am extremely paranoid that there is something going on between my boyfriend and a co-worker at his work.

A few months ago, I found texts between the two of them, and I saw it as flirting (especially from her end). I actually ended up messaging the girl to ask if anything is going on between the two of them. The message I sent was extremely kind and non-threatening, and I wasn’t accusing anyone of anything, I was just asking ... instead of replying to me, she told the other females in the office at her work, and I got a phone call from one of them. The lady told me “we want nothing to do with your relationship”. At the time I didn’t think anything of this. Then, a few weeks later, I spoke to a friend about the situation, and she opened up my eyes to the fact that it was suspicious that the girl I messaged didn’t respond to me. Is she hiding something? Does she feel threatened because I know something might be going on? Why didn’t she just reply to my message, instead of humiliating me by telling her co-workers?....

this really made me think that something could possibly be going on between her and my boyfriend.

Mans the weird part is, since I messaged her, she hasn’t sent my boyfriend anymore messages. So maybe she’s keeping it on the down-low and just talking to him at work so I don’t find out.

The worst part is, some days while at work, he stays in the office (with her) , instead of going out on the field with the guys. This makes me extremely distressed, as I can’t see or know what goes on while they’re both there together.

does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? It would be very appreciated

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bee1998,

Thanks so much for your post. I wish that I could be so reassuring but unfortunately I don't know either - it's so so hard when there's someone on the other end and you don't know what's going on.

What I do know though, is that you didn't mention your boyfriend - have you shared your thoughts and worries with him?

I know for me personally, I really have/had/ to focus on the things that I know for sure. So I might not know or even trust the co-worker, but I know and trust my boyfriend. Even if it seems there's red flags over there, I don't see any red flags over here with us, and even if I search hard (I'm an anxious person!) I don't see any reason why he wouldn't be honest with me. That to me is what it comes down to, because I have to trust him enough.

Do you think that this stuff can apply to you too? That you can work to trusting your boyfriend enough to override all of the paranoia?

rt

[Bee1998]

Hi rt,

the thing is, no I don’t completely trust my boyfriend because he has lied to me and betrayed my boundaries so many times over the 2 years we have been together. I have caught him out paying girls for nudes, and even with proof , he said to me “it wasn’t me”. I find it impossible to believe him now whenever he says “I’m telling the truth”.

[NeverEver]

This must be very frustrating, especially when you can not trun to asking your other half if it is true because they have broken your trust.... Maybe ask him and see how he responds to the question... As you know before he has lied to you,

So you should know if he is not telling you the truth or if he is hiding some think from you... But unfortunately in this situation it's a hard one "if some think is going on" it will eventually come out

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Bee1998,

Oh.

Well honestly that seems like a red flag to me, not because I think something is going on (because I don't know for sure), but because if he can't be honest with you - even with proof across his face, how can you trust each other? Do you think that he wants to rebuild trust in your relationship - or working with you to try and communicate better?

rt

[Bee1998]

Hi rt,

to be honest, I have no idea.

He is very hard to read. That’s why I can’t pick out whether he’s lying to me or not...

I’ve been emotionally manipulated too much, so I’m very confused.

Thank you for taking the time to reply again, it means a lot x