FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Woman trying to steal my partner

Amanda_1956
Community Member

I'm very worried that a low life ex friend is making a move on my man 

Ringing him and spending 3hours talking on the phone(hmm wonder what about) and begging my man to dump me saying I'm a user and a bludger .How dare she question my love for my partner

Any suggestions in how to deal with this? Thanks

6 Replies 6

pipsy
Community Member
Dear Amanda.  I would have a talk with your partner first.  Is he encouraging this 'so-called' friend to ring?  What is he telling her, that she says these things.  If he is not encouraging her, tell her to 'get lost' in no uncertain terms.  Don't 'blast' him, that won't get you anywhere.  Talk to him, quietly, ask him why she's ringing him.  Sorry to say this, but she wouldn't be ringing him if he wasn't somehow encouraging her to.  Can I ask if everything is alright between you two?  Tell him to tell her not to ring, if there's nothing going on.  She 'aint' no friend.  

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
dear Amanda, this is a fear that anyone would not like, someone trying to take your partner away, and in this case your
partner, so these are a few issues here; do you know this person who is trying to entice your partner; and why does
your partner want to talk to her; and why did this contact ever happen.
You need to get an answer from your partner, but the problem is he may not tell you the truth and unfortunately he won't
as he may want '2 eggs in the basket', that is have you as well as have her, and under no circumstances this would not be
an acceptable situation.
People love one person in a relationship/marriage but both of you like many other people just like we all do, but that
doesn't mean that they have daily contact with them suggesting more advice or itimate contact, because that's broken
trust, and trust carries so much weight here and in any marriage/relationship.
You don't only have to get an answer from her but you need an answer from him, but contact with her maybe impossible
so the weight lies with your partner, such as him texting her, emailing her, but there are places he can do this
without your knowledge.
Personally if my partner/wife started doing this then I would never trust them, just as my ex-wife did by contacting
someone using a public phone, not once but three times, and who she said she was ringing were lies. Geoff. x



Yes he did tell her to stop ringing but she insisted and has now labelled me a control freak for objecting to her long winded phone calls. I think he realized that I was getting upset about 3,hours of phone time .while she was gas bagging to him I was feeling rejected because suddenly she was ",all that mattered," (,like hell she was)

It climaxed in a holiday 2,years ago when we took her and her,lol man away .I was pushed into the background and made to feel like a freeloader. One night we got back late and I took my meds  went out to say goodnight and saw my partner too close behind her looking at the stars with binoculars. Not once did she move away

Then she had the gall to ring me up 10 days later to say I was using him for sex and I was killing him.this is the cow that she is 

I have spoken to partner about this. I will fight to the death to keep him and interference like that won't be tolerated

But this has had a huge impact on my mental health .I have since told her to butt out .I am working to repair my relationship with partner and she doesn't like it well too bad.

So that is the story. My anxiety and fear of losing him still exists to this day. Do you know what I mean?

Things are OK...for the moment. I love him and still find him attractive but this morning I had to bite the bullet and say that our relationship was getting stale simply because there was very little affection on his part .I would try to cuddle up to him but it would be like hugging a tree .so I had to use shock tactics. I felt awful afterwards as I felt I hurt him I don't think he realized that the lack off affection was eating away at me yet it wasn't hard for him to get up close and personal with her on a holiday 2 years ago.when they were out star gazing and he was so close to the back of her with binoculars. I was inside at the time and when I saw that it was all I could do not to find a train line and get back to Sydney on my own. Believe me if I had a car I probably would've gone .I have spoken to him about that and he thinks I'm over reacting and it's my anxiety talking. But I know what I saw.

Then nights when I was on my own watching TV and he would be the other side of the room on the net either chatting to her on social media or ringing her. This lead to a breakdown and hospital for a month .thankfully that is not happening now I put my foot down 

But what I can't get my head around is what was going on then. Did I spoil a budding affair ?

I will never know as both of them are not coming clean about it.their relationship was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with me .

So this is where it stands now. 

Hi Amanda.  I know exactly where you're coming from and I do understand the 'fighting' words you use about keeping him.  However, getting back to him talking to her for hours.  Sorry to say this, not what you want to hear, if he is encouraging her, 'why', what is wrong with you two that he is confiding in her instead of talking to you?  She's accused you of using him.  You said you've discussed it with him, do you believe him?  If he genuinely wants you, both of you need to stand together telling her, together 'butt out'.  When a couple have a rock solid relationship, trust is so deep that nothing and nobody can penetrate.  I can't help but get the feeling, you and partner don't have this.  You're insecure about him talking to this other woman, you already said, they made you feel like a 'fifth wheel'.  I think I would be inclined to blame him more than her.  If she has 'latched' onto him and he is encouraging her, (which by the sound of it, he is).  It won't be long before he either breaks with you, in favour of her, or gets sick of her and starts flirting with someone else.  He's obviously flattered by her attention and enjoying the game he's playing.  I'm so sorry for you that he's hurting you, but I think you're fighting a losing battle.  Have a talk with him, find out what he wants, ask him is he with you for the long haul.  Remember, actions speak louder, what he says and how he acts might not go hand in hand. 

 

Thank you for your reply Pipsy .I am happy to say he has told her to back off and her comments about me were uncalled for and inappropriate. We do spend more quality time together which is good. He has stood by me through my mental issues and stays in hospital. While he does still talk to her the contact is very few and far between. I also think her partner has had something to say too. Yes she has a man who cares for her but I feel that one man isn't enough..she needs the excitement of an affair. She is a raving aggressive alcoholic who,if my man was to have left me for her his life would be unbearable. I love him deeply and want to be his lady forever.

Yes I have drug dependency problems for which I am getting help.I thank him for standing by me and helping me to overcome these issues. All I got from her was name calling and verbal abuse ,which he told her to pull her head in . so I'm glad to say this story has a happy ending but will update you if there are any more problems. Thank you once again Pipsy xxx