Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

With a man but thinking of Women

Community Member

Hi everyone,

This is the first time I have posted so I am nervous but need help.
I am in a relationship with a man who I love dearly, we recently had a threesome which I enjoyed, maybe a little too much but now I can’t stop thinking of being with a women again.
what does this mean? Does this mean I am lesbian? Do I act on it?
Please help me understand these feelings

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi kittykat123,

Welcome to the forums! I'm so glad that you've found us here and were willing to share what's on your mind. You've definitely come to the right place.

Your feelings are very, very normal. You may have heard this before, but it really bears repeating that very few people have hard and fixed sexual attraction throughout their lives– this can change with age, life circumstances, or, in your case, new sexual experiences.

I think that it's quite healthy that you found yourself enjoying the threesome, because even if you did it "for" your partner, your enjoyment was key to the whole experience. If you didn't enjoy it, what would have been the point? The fact that afterwords you are now thinking more about women makes sense, and does not necessarily mean that you are a lesbian, or have made the wrong choices in life, or are living inauthentically.

What it does mean is that you have learned something new and important about yourself, and better yet, something that it sounds like can be acceptably worked into you and your partner's existing sex life. I would urge you not to "act on it" if that refers to seeking a sexual experience outside the relationship or without your partner's knowledge. But if that refers to being open with your partner about how much you enjoyed the experience, and what you have been feeling about it, then I think it's absolutely the right move.

Any partner worth their salt will understand, or at least make a good attempt at understanding, where you're coming from.

Would love to keep chatting on the forums and hear how you go!