Will she be back?

[Lost_2018]

My same sex partner & I got together 18mths ago. We were best friends in high school & have known each other 30yrs. We fell back in touch about 5yrs ago & remained distant friends. When we got together, I had been single 2yrs & she was separated from her husband for 6mths. Everything was perfect. I helped her through a lot & although it wasn’t easy at times, we always got through it & it brought us closer. 3mths ago, she started distancing herself. Telling me she needed a break. Then a month ago, she breaks up with me via email, telling me she can’t do a relationship with everything she is going through with the divorce. I completely understood, even though it hurt. She has asked to have no contact till next year as she still wants me in her life forever, but not as her partner. I am lost, as I just don’t understand how she can suddenly go from me being the love of her life and talking about a future together, to not wanting to be with me at all. I can’t turn my feelings off like that. I know what we had as she made me believe it and she made me feel it. But now it’s just gone. We had a break earlier this year and she begged me to come back after 2wks. I didn’t feel like it was over then either, turns out it wasn’t. I feel the same again. I just don’t feel like it’s over. I feel it in my heart. I know we shared & although I respect her wishes, I can’t let go of the hope. Can I just maybe have some thoughts?

[Doolhof]

Hi Lost_2018,

Sorry to read of your situation. Apart from the issues you have experienced with this lady, it does sound like you wanted to make a go of the relationship. It can be very difficult when one person walks out while the other has no understanding of why.

You mentioned that she already has stated she wants you in her life but not as a partner. Would you be able to be just friends with her, or would you always desire more of a relationship?

Do you have family and friends you can spend time with? Being alone with our negative thoughts can certainly make them worse. Do you have hobbies and interests you can try to include more in your life?

It is hard for anyone to know if your lady friend will be back or not. Maybe she doesn't even know the answer to that right now.

I guess maybe you need to ask yourself how long will you wait for her or is it time to say goodbye as well. Not an easy decision either way.

Regards from Dools