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Wife left me after 13 years marriage. She felt that she's now attracted to women

Community Member
Hi all.
Feeling broken after my little wife, like i used to call her, told me that she finds herself very disturbed and "maybe attracted to women".
We've a child, he's 12 years. I don't know if he suspects anything, but me and my wife almost didn't talk for a last several weeks.
We've been on tough period lately. Well, she was, to be precise. She's been hit by severe health problems, like 4th grade endometriosis (with a possibility to remove the uterus in near future), complicated surgery on simple operation (anesthetics "did not turn on the lungs" when it had to and she felt that she couldn't breath), that hardened her mental problems, which were surrounding her all the time. Then problems at job, she quited it. Then panic attacks etc. Then several weeks course at psychiatric clinic. She felt much better, but something changed irreversably there. I tought it's because she wants to settle down after all this disturbing experiences.
Our sex life never was very colourful, i even asked her if she's attracted to women once. She denied. I never felt desirable by my wife. And this question was painfull for both of us. There were all the explanations, you could imagine. For the last year i tought it was because of her severe pains because of endometriosis and it somehow relieved my frustration at some level. After all, things happen and i had to understand and support my spouse. But then she started to avoid me, more time spending with "friends from psychiatric clinic". She even started avoiding the gaze. I was informed that some of those friends were homosexual. We even spent some time together in nature.

Yesterday i writed her on messenger "should i know something?", while both being at home, when she came from "just a meeting with a friend". She asked me to "give her several weeks, so she could spent this time to think about everything at her (girl)friends appartments". And then she left. Got back after several hours. Then i asked, what's happening and she told, that she may be attracted to women. It hurts. Then she told, that she feels very hapy with her friend. Ouch. Also she told, that she couldn't even think about sex with men. Uf. And then she told, that "tried everything she needed and liked it very much". Ok. Also she explained, that she won't let her think about it herself for whole life, but she was helped to find herself by a psychiatrist at clinics.
I feel broken and spend all the day playing with my son. Swallowing my tears when he doesn't see

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Nikodemus

Welcome to the forum. Thank you for telling us your story. I am very sad for you that your wife feels she is homosexual. I can appreciate your disappointment.

It must be very hard to accept your wife's preferences. I think she will be happier if this is a permanent change but that does not help much. You married expecting an ordinary sort of partnership and must now face her rejection in favour of not just another man, but rejected because of her sexual preference. It is hard.

I have no doubt the psychiatrist was helping your wife to explore her life/feelings/needs and is probably as surprised as both of you at the outcome. It does happen like this at times. I am struggling for words to comfort you but I do not think they exist at the moment. Do you have any idea of what you want to do? It may be a good idea to think about what you need to do next.

Writing in here is a good option. We are always here to listen and chat.


Community Champion
Community Champion

Welcome to beyond blue.

I am not going to repeat anything Mary said.

How are you feeling after writing the post?

I guess there is a lot going through your mind at the moment, about yourself, your marriage, family etc. I won't say what your wife is or is not, based on your post, except perhaps confused as you mentioned she said she may be attracted to women. So there is a lot for both of you to grapple. Your relationship has changed, and the users here will listen and support you as best we can.