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Who could love me
This is my first post and I am a little nervous.
I am a divorced mother of three grown children . Two of my children are married and live in another state and one still lives at home .
I would like to know if anyone else feels like they will never be loved again? I was married for almost 20 years and have been without someone special in my life for almost 8 years now.
I have been diagnosed with ADD, Anxiety and Complex PTSD in those last 8 years but have struggled with Major Depression Disorder since childhood. My self esteem bounces from a little to none . Friends tell me I am an attractive person and ask me why I am alone. How do you explain to someone that you have no self esteem without them running for the hills? I find if it hard to look in the mirror without crying. I am very unhappy with what I see. As I get older I am starting to look more like my father. My father was a very cruel person who showed no interest in me at all. We had no connection and I was terrified of him.... and his judgement.
I have tried so many things to help improve my confidence and self -esteem . I struggle everyday with thoughts of everyone being better than me. I need help but have no clue where to turn.
So I guess my question is..... how can I improve my self-esteem and finally be happy with what I see in the mirror?
Firstly, welcome to the forums.
As someone who has suffered self esteem issues in the past I do know the feeling you are going through, how hard it can be to look in the mirror some day is very dreadful. You asked if anyone will ever love you again but I think what is important here is that you start first by loving yourself. You said you have a range of mental health conditions, have you spoken to a psychologist about all these before, I understand they are diagnosed just wondering what sort of treatment you have sought for them as mental health makes everything more magnified and when we have low self esteem it manages to bring it ever lower than you thought possible.
I think one thing to do is finding something you love doing and almost using it as a distraction. It may be walking or playing a game of tennis, going shopping, having a coffee with a friend, anything you enjoy and trying to not let this take over your life. I think you will find someone down the track but the focus should be making sure you feel 100% better mentally for starters. May I ask what things you have tried to increase your self esteem? Just trying to understand a little better so I can offer better advice to you.
My best for you,
If the answer to any of these is yes, then you're definitely being loved, remember the love changes to another sphere when our children grow up, not so often do the kids come running up to you, like they used to as young children, grabbing your legs because that's as far as they could reach and start crying waiting for you to cuddle them, now this doesn't happen, but it does in another way, by hearing their voice on the phone, or an email sent to you, you have raised these children you know when they're happy and when they're not, that's love, and that's by loving you.
When I speak to either son on the phone I can tell if something is wrong, whether they are ready to tell me is up to them, that's love by knowing them, no longer do they grab your leg but show it another way.
At the moment you are struggling with all of these illnesses, and that's where you need to begin to look after yourself.
Imagine if you're not happy will the kids come running up to you, probably not, that's why you need to get your strength back, then you start once again to show and accept love, your children/grandkids will feel secure opening up to you, knowing you can help them, but if you remain in depression that won't happen.
Please contact your doctor and ask to see a psychologist on a mental health plan. Geoff.