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Where to get help in my situation

Community Member

Hi, i put a thread up a couple of months ago about going through ivf with my partner just for him to leave me at 20 weeks. I was very confused at the time and desperate for answers. i have since learnt that he holds covert narcissistic personality traits and i am wondering if anyone can help or know where i can get information as to what i can expect from someone like this in relation to my situation. Do i cut contact? Do i give him pregnancy updates? Do i tell him when i go into labour? Should i have him in the labour room? Should i run a mile and cut him off? Im worried if I completely shut him out he will use the baby against me by taking him 50% as its law. He has used my greatest fear in life of becoming a single mum against me amoungst other behaviors. Yet i still find myself questioning that maybe its in my head that he is narcissistic and feeling like im the bad one and feeling guilty if he wants to be at the birth and if i say no. any help would help. Ty

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Aprillia31

Welcome to the Beyond Blue Community and thankyou for posting too!

Even though I am not a female I hope I can be of some help...even a little, even though I am not in your situation.

You are an intelligent and well articulated person Aprillia31, I am very well versed when it comes to people that have narcissistic traits. If I may ask you...what has let you know that your partner has narcissistic traits/behavior?

Before I offer my humble opinion as a sufferer of depression it would be a help if you could let me know. The people at Beyond Blue have a new page called 'Find a Professional' if you scroll down below under 'Get Support' you will find it...The page has just been developed so you dont have spend ages navigating through the site.

At this wonderful stage of your life you shouldnt have to be concerned about these thoughts...If you have even a little more info about your partners' narcissistic persona it would be a huge help.

This site is very secure and designed to protect your privacy Aprillia....I do hope you can 'fill in the blanks' so I can help you further if you wish of course.

My Kind Thoughts for You


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
dear Aprillia, well I'm absolutely devastated for you, to have to go through the pain staking effort of going through IVF hoping and wishing that you would finally become pregnant, and then for him to leave you, so it must make you feel all alone and left to cope all by yourself.
If he has the personality as you mention, then I can see many problems ahead for you if you stay connected, however he must help you to pay for all the forthcoming expenses that lay ahead, and these will amount to thousands of dollars.
I would first of all like to know if he is employed or getting payment from centrelink, because if I know this then it would be much easier for me to help you more in regards for him helping you financially, or perhaps he could have said what he may do, but this could be just in hindsight.
I also have a worry that he could say that he will help you when the baby is born, but it's long term that I would be interested to know
My main concern is firstly for him to help you financially, and then a suggestion will follow on from that, because what he is going to do will make my decision, although I do know what I want to say but I would really love to hear back from you, so please can you reply back to us. Geoff. x

Community Member

Hi Aprillia31. My name is Lynda. I greatly endorse everything blondguy and Geoff has said about narc personality traits and financial/emotional support etc. There is a section here on the forums explaining the various personality traits of narc's, it's not all cut and dried i.e one 'size' fits all. One of the things narcs do best is convincing everyone that it is them and not him/her who is in the wrong. I would perhaps find out as much as you can about his personality. Once you have some idea what you're dealing with, see your Dr about seeing a therapist/counsellor who will be able to give you some help as well. When you ask about seeing a counsellor/therapist, tell your Dr about the type of personality you're dealing with. That way, your Dr will be able to advise you the best help you need. When a narc is in company (apart from you) they display very caring, loving traits. Once they're alone with you, kids etc, the 'other' side emerges. Having him with you during labour, only you can decide that. He may be the perfect partner (again - in company). As Geoff says, it must have been a real shock to discover the personality of your partner. Was it a mutual decision to go IVF?

Please, get back to us.

Best wishes.