Hi, welcome to beyond blue forums
Us members are survivors of many things. We use this experience to give opinion to help others. Many of us here have been in your situation. Three times for me.
I'm 59yo and now remarried and extremely happy. But it took 3 long term relationships to get there. They lasted 7 years then 11 then 10. The 11 years one was my first marriage and there were 2 young daughters involved. Heavy heart, wow that too guts to survive it. But I did because I put them first.
But I recall hitting the "wall" one night like you are now. I sought a mirror and said to it...."Tony, you are a good man and you deserve to be loved by a very special person". I did that daily from then on. Sounds silly?? not at all. It helped. It restored my confidence over time. I also began to listen to Prem Rawat Maharaji on Youtube (cassette tapes then) in particular "sunset" and "the perfect instrument" These made sense to my and lifted my spirit.
But like all recovery strategies it takes more than a few ingredients to help out. So a trip to the doctor was made and in my case it opened the dam walls to reveal other issues like a poor mental health. Eventually I found out I had depression, anxiety, bipolar type 2 and dysthymia (a type of depression that left me melancholy and distraught). So a trip to the doctors will cause no harm.
There are some threads here that can help. Use search to find them. They are-
Boredom, the closed door to fun
Being positive- what's the secret?
How to brainwash yourself
Grief, dealing with it
Past the pain zone
What is your defence against your vulnerability?
What life can be like at the end of the tunnel?
Your other side you may not know you have
Good luck there. We are here for you. You'll do ok.
Tony WK
