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When to tell the kids we are splitting for good.
I just want to know what you think..... do "we" tell them or do "I" tell them if he doesn't want to yet????
Hi DAWG, welcome
For what its worth in my view I'd tell them asap. Then they are prepared when he does move out. It will be less drama.
There is no ideal time. Young people are really resilient.
Thanks White Knight.. I do want to tell them asap as you said so they can process it & not be in shock when the time comes.
Can i say, i got a kick that "white knight" replied as it is a joke in my family about me & white knights.... When i was about 11 I stole a white knight lolly as a dare & have been given grief ever since. So, thank you for taking the time to reply. Xx
Thanks Pipsy for your reply.
I want to tell the kids together, I want them to know that we are ending things because of us and nothing they have done. I also want them to know the reason why (dad doesn't love me) and that things will be different but they will get quality time with each of us now and not the tension of playing one off against the other which also happens - between hubby not the kids...
He is a very selfish man and only thinks of himself so now he will have the time to think of only him.....
Thanks for your advice.
Hi KDAWGS. Normally I would go along completely with both of you telling the kids. What worries me about it is hubby blaming you in front of the kids for what's gone wrong. You said he's very selfish, he may try to blame you for him wanting to be with someone else, rather than admit he has the 'roving eye'. People who 'look around', usually make the excuse 'my wife/husband doesn't understand me'. If he tries to blame you for him turning to someone else, you're naturally going to defend yourself. This makes for more arguments, possibly in front of kids who already feel the tension between you. If you're not there and he turns the blame on you, at least you won't argue in front of the kids. The kids will soon figure out for themselves that it wasn't you causing the problem, it was their father. Once he's gone, if the kids do ask why dad has someone else, you won't be quite so defensive, rather than 'ranting', you'll be able to say, quietly. Dad simply stopped loving me. You don't lose face as an unresponsive, unloving wife. Whatever happens between him and the kids after that, is on his head completely. I understand why you want to tell the kids together, I just hope it goes the way you want.
Good luck, whatever happens.