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When to move on
When do you move on after the death of your partner?
My hubby passed 2 years ago. I admit it still brings me down. I doubt i will truly get over it. But when do you move on?
My friends tell me to start looking, put myself out there. I am not sure. Yes i miss the companionship. I miss the talk, the laughter, the one-on-one.
I just dont know. They have told me about various websites. They have shown me these pages.
I am nervous about it.
Just wondering, have you been in this situation? How did you deal with it? How did your family and friends react? And lastly how did you feel, deep down, about moving on
First off I'm sorry for your loss. Not just a polite phrase. My partner of 25 years passed away over 22 years ago,
I'd been amazingly lucky having someone to love and care for me, and for me to love and care for back. We had an adult child. This relationship has survived my PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression. A life together, not just two people in the same place.
Although I'd had about a year's warning I was heartbroken and devastated by her death. It did not take me that long to think in terms of finding someone else. I eventually found and married my current wife, we have been together over 20 years now.
The amount of time to move on? Well frankly I never did. I was not rejecting my dead wife, far from it. She was, and often is in my thoughts. I married someone in exactly the same situation and we often talk as if our partners were still people who had views and preferences. They are still part of our lives. Does not make our love for each other, or them, any the less.
I was fortunate in my offspring was wholeheartedly in favor of me remarrying, and remains so today.
I can't really advise as I'm no expert - just unreasonably fortunate. I found someone in the same situation - a recent widow - so we had experience and understanding of the other.
We started with snail-mail, then email. finally phone calls before we met. By that time we each had a good idea about the other and were ready for the distractions and attractions of meeting in person. Our judgments had already started to form and were not turned topsy-turvey just by the physical.
Do not be afraid of deciding on how you want practical matters to work out before you start. Who lives with whom, what happens to the house, can you get on with his kids. It can be hard to work out who is genuine, who a conman and who is someone who just puts on a face. Please take you time, get to know the person's life, family, friends and environment.
Be happy with the means of meeting (web or whatever). If you are uncomfortable with the mechanics of it you won't be thinking clearly. Talk is best.
To give you an idea of someone behaving in a genuine manner I'll mention I offered character references. Seem silly? Well after all it was a most important venture
I guess if your hesitation is fear of the meeting process itself and not a preoccupation with your deceased hubby to the exclusion of any other then you are ready to venture forth.
Please talk about this as often as you would like
There are a couple of choices here, if you find it difficult living where you are now, then perhaps move, because the same surroundings create thoughts of what has happened in the past and are continually there making it difficult to move on within yourself.
Whether you like and have facebook maybe a way to start communicating with your friends, just be cautious to begin with and don't divulge too much detail.
Do you have a dog and if not then you could get one, take it doggie school where you will meet other people, so a friendship could develop, and remember aren't we always nervous about doing something new, yes but we take the chance and then it begins more comfortable for you, you can always stop where you are going, and go somewhere else. Geoff.