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When is enough enough?
I am so torn on when my heart and head will agree on when enough is enough.
I am in my late 20s and thought after a number of failed relationships I had finally met my match.
We have been together for just over a year and a half and for some reason if I ever get this far this is where the bump happens and always stops.
My partner has no previous relationship experiences and now looking back our relationship may have progressed too quickly for someone on their first rodeo. After a month of knowing him I just knew I Diddnt want him seeing or meeting someone else and asked him to be my boyfriend, a little unconventional but I knew what I wanted.
After about 9months we were living together as we were back a forwarding from one place to another.
2 months ago he started to act strange, I had noticed for about 3 weeks that something had changed or was wrong. However, when ever I asked he always said everything was ok which made me think I was going crazy! Then he finally came out and told me “I don’t want kids” I Diddnt know what to say or do as I know I want kids and really cannot imagine my life without the family dynamic.
Obviously my first question was why? Even now he can’t give me a reason on this and it baffles me. This is something we have discussed including hypothetical names etc so I was a little shocked. I suggested we go and speak to someone about it as I thought this would be the best course of action.
we are happy in love, this has been by far the best and easiest relationship I have been in so I was never prepared to just let it go.
to this day I have still not compromised as I strongly agree this is something that cannot be compromised on. However, as there is no why to it I believe in the short run that this could be a phase.
we went to a couples counsellor and we were told to focus on our relationship and the good parts and deal with the why when it becomes relevant.
A month on he says “maybe he should be single” but can’t give reasons for it. He says he needs space and freedom but he doesn’t want to see other people nor has he ended the relationship.
On multiple occasions I have thought I could end it but never express this to him but it never lasts more tha 24hours as I love him and believe you should fight for what you believe in.
I have decided to move out in the hope that he can experience the step we have missed when we were in the honeymoon phase. I’m just worried that the clock is ticking!
Dear Struggle street~
Welcome here, to me you do sound a very sensible and realistic person. This is a heartbreaking situation to be in and anyone would be stuck as to know what to do. It's made worse by the fact you have been unlucky before.
Looking at what you have said it looks a bit like you have been the one to make the relationship happen and have the most experience of the two of you. Now he is saying firstly he does not want kids - while it is obvious you do -and then that he needs space. Perhaps it is all part of the same thing. You made a commitment, it's possible he was the sort of person that went with the flow, maybe because it was the first time, and he is not as committed.
The first part of a relationship is when one finds out a lot about oneself as well as one's partner. So perhaps you are doing the wise thing in stepping back and allowing him to finds things out. Very hard to do I know.
It does take two for a partnership, as you have already tried talking and counseling I'm not sure you have many other options.
Please feel you can talk here as much as you'd like, being alone with such matters is not good.