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When does it start to feel better?
08-06-2019 04:00 PM
Its been nearly 15mths since my 14 yr relationship ended. My partner came home one day & announced he was moving away & I had to leave. We haven't seen each other since the day I left our home. I've done the rollercoaster of rejection & emotions, self loathing, fear & despair. I've tried to distract myself & move on but it hasn't worked. I know I cared & loved him & his child more than it was reciprocated. We communicate every now & then, & he says he still loves me. But I still can't move on. I feel like I lost my best friend & my identity. I am so sad & depressed. I am pathetic & seek even the smallest contact from him to validate my self worth. Its been over a year & I don't know how to move on. I feel like a failure. I take anxiety & ad meds but they only help me to stay barely functioning. I am ashamed of myself with friends & family & rarely interact. I can't seem to move forward. I am lost. I've done counselling with no outcome that helps. I just feel broken, rejected & stuck. The heartache is so real. I am 50 now & feel so unlovable, unattractive & unwanted. I am even ashamed to admit here how I am feeling. But I need help, I need to share, & I need advice. I just don't know how to do it alone, or what I've tried isn't working. I know my relationship wasnt perfect, but it shocked me when & how it ended. One day I had a home, a partner, a child & life. Then within days it was all gone. How have others coped & moved on? I know I will never have any of that back although contact with my ex let's me feel there may be some love & hope still there. I am very hurt & confused. Time keeps moving on but I don't seem able to. Its like me & my life as I knew it died & I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I feel disgrace in front of people who know me because I can't just get on with it like they want or tell me to. I don't know how to unlove my ex & his child I helped raise. And I don't know how to keep that love & be strong or see any worth in myself without them. I would appreciate talking with anyone who has experienced similar & maybe understands. I spend all my time hiding & hoping & feeling foolish & broken. I don't want to feel this way anymore but I struggle to know how to fix things in my heart, head & life. I keep taking my meds & dread each day alone only to hear again that its been over 12 months & what is wrong with me. If you know what I am going through & can help or offer any suggestions I would be very grateful. Thank you
2 Replies 2
08-06-2019 04:55 PM
Yes, I know that feeling, 3 times now each relationship/marriage was over 7 years duration. My current one is on 8 years and is purely fabulous.
I would take the plunge and go dating, try computer dating and wait until you get a guy that lifts your spirits up. Going backwards wont help. There is plenty of opportunity for fun in your life.
Join a passive sport or cheering for one, a club or group, a passion? Being lonely will make you pine more for your ex.
Here is a couple of threads you can google
Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get
Beyondblue topic do you like yourself? (this is an ongoing thread you can post in)
08-06-2019 07:17 PM
I been 5 years seperated and unfortunately can't get over it. I ask myself everyday why wasn't I worth the effort. I feel I failed and never gave him a reason to want me. I lost all joys in life; cooking; eating; going out etc. Just feel trapped. I don't know why I keep going. Feels all robotic. I wake up go work. I am a part time mum to 2 teenagers and they see me miserable and I don't know how to get better. No extended family and no friends and now I feel I am loosing the battle to keep going.
All I can say be strong and hope.
All I can say be strong and hope.