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When does it get better...

Community Member

Around 9 months ago I ended a physically, and emotionally abusive relationship.

This relationship ruined my family to say the least. He was possessive, hit me, blackmailed me, Imprissoned me, and the list goes on.

Im 21, and a tough girl - My whole life I've been known to be tough so to admit to people this was happening was never an option, until I eventually did, however until this day nobody knows the full extent, other than the psychologist I saw for a couple of months.

I've moved on now, however something just isn't right. Im in love, head over heels, and finally confirmed a love for a boy who's always been there but It still just doesn't seem enough. Ive never had anxiety, but just recently I have it a lot, and at the worst of times.

I always feel like I'm going to be in trouble, but its in my head, I don't express it to my parter and deep down I know I'm not in trouble but I just overthink it. Im constantly looking at the time, or stressing trying to do everything right because in my previous relationship if i were to do ONE thing 1 minute late, I'd be abused, mainly verbally.

Sometimes I even just lay there and feel nothing but hurt, but I can pinpoint what it is thats hurting. Its almost like I am numb!

I have constant tears behind my eyes, even If I am happy, Its like my mind can change any second.

So my real question is - When do things start to get better? When do you forget about it all and focus on the good life you now have.

Thanks so much. xoxoxoxooxox

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Guest_7797

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

Firstly, well done for terminating the relationship you mentioned was abusive...that takes guts and self awareness

I can see that you are a smart and pro-active 21 year old..no worries there at all...you are strong.

You are smarter than I was at 21 (many years ago lol) You also mentioned that you may be overthinking...Its more than understandable that you are after what you have been through 7797. You have been through a bad time and you are 'expecting' a similar reaction from your new partner...You have suffered and are reacting as per the way you have been treated..

Sometimes our brain can be our worst enemy....we think...think...think...and overthink when we have no immediate trigger for doing so. I have done the same for years until my GP helped me out with some basic counseling and made me see the 'light' so to speak.

You have everything going for you 7797....really. You are being apprehensive and cautious (overthinking) because you were treated badly. Your reaction is 'normal' considering what you have been through

Time will heal these scars you still have. If you wish to let your new boyfriend know you will probably feel a lot better.....when and if you think the time is right...your boyfriend may understand more than you think....

Seeing a good GP can be a huge help too....(having a really good vent)...they are used to people that are stuck and need some reassurance. I still see my GP for a 'tune up' if I start to overthink 🙂

If you are hesitant about letting your boyfriend know (which is okay) I hope you can have a talk to your GP 🙂

You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so

you are not alone here

my kind thoughts


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Guest_7797, a very courageous decision to leave this fellow who was abusing you in every way, and I think it takes more than having a tough skin, because you still have to make that choice.
It's true as Paul has said that when we have depression what it does is make our mind think, then think again until we over think which generally starts to confuse you and complicate the issue.
What I would do is begin a conversation with your new partner and ask him how he would feel if you were a couple of minutes late and you could also say that you felt guilty when you were, touch on the subject only as far as you feel comfortable, by talking with him with reassure to help you overcome this fear.
This will start to regain your confidence and remember it's a huge problem you are overcoming and it will take a little while, but his love will be strong enough to help you. Geoff. x