- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- When do you know it's time to leave
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
When do you know it's time to leave
I have been with my partner for 6 years now we have 2 young children together. I feel I am ready to leave this relationship but I am scared of what the repercussions are going to be like for my children and myself. My partner for the most of it has been a very supportive father and partner in a financial aspect and also emotionally to an extent, Although he does have a very big temper on him. He has pushed me slapped me and hit me multiple times although not recent the memories of it still imbedded in my mind that I allowed it to happen more then once and have forgiven him. I have had conversations with him in regards to the incidents and how sometime the way I shut off in arguments is because of the way arguments have previously ended with us. He keeps telling me that I am the one that chose to stay and forgive and I cant keep bringing the past up He has offered to talk about the past but I cant use it for an excuse as to how I act but I do not want to talk about that with him. I want to and when I asked to go to see a phycologist he told me I couldn't say anything about the past to them else they will take the kids off him and that's not what I want. I have tried to have this conversation of separating numerous times and somehow it gets turned around and I just can't stand my ground and I give in and we are pretending everything is fine.
I honestly am so lost at where to start, what to do and who to talk to
welcome to beyond blue. Sorry about the delay in any response to you. There are so many things I would like to say to you except that I have a psychiatrist appointment this morning. When I get back from that appointment I will provide you with a proper reply. I am listening to you, and there are possibilities for you. I hope that you do this post and come back later. Know that despite what you think about yourself, you are the strong for making it this far in your relationship, and them having the courage to post here.
Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here. I'm getting this idea while reading that you already know that it might be time to leave the relationship, and maybe that's not something you need for us to tell you.
I am concerned about what you told us though and how he's pushed you, hit you and slapped you. Are you worried for your safety?
One resource that might be helpful is 1800 RESPECT. They're focused around domestic assault and abuse. If you're not comfortable (or it's not safe) to talk on the phone they also have a instant message thing at the bottom of the page. You can stay totally anonymous if you like and talk about what's going on and your options.
I hope this helps,
romantic_thi3f provided contact information for the people I was looking for earlier. (Thanks)
You had said that your husband has not hit you in recent memory. I guess your problem is that you don't really know whether he will or not in the future.
I guess the one question you might want to consider is what you do really want to do?
You said that you wanted to see a psychologist, but worried about the kids being taken away from him, but if you did separate as indicated by the title, then who would look after the kids? What would be the ideal situation or resolution for you?
It does not sound like a healthy relationship to me.
Your partner needs to seek assistance from professionals to control his anger because hitting someone even just once is not ok and will never be ok.
What do you think would happen if you did see someone to get help and you did tell that person (psychologist, marriage counselor, whoever it may be) what happened in the past?
Do you fear he will hurt you again? Or your children?
You could set aside money secretly, make enquiries about support you may be entitled to if you do decide to leave, confide in a trusted friend for support, put together travel bags packed for you and your children with pyjamas, nappies, toothbrushes, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, hair ties, change of clothes, socks, shoes, pads/tampons, cash, spare phone charger etc. and store them at a trusted friends house that way if you ever did feel like you do need to leave you will not be held back by little things.
I hope that your partner will come around and you can talk things through and seek help together and find a solution where you always feel happy, loved, safe and respected.
You deserve to feel happy, loved, safe and respected!