What to do

[Holi]

Hi i have twin boys 15 basically we went.through a really bad separation one of my boys has ocd and one has anxiety there father was abusive to me, and has always been on drugs, we left 5 yrs ago and i still get abused by text daily, for everything regarding the boys, we have been homeless three times and now the boys grades have fallen badly, they have had huge amounts of time off school, which i couldn't help.im on depression tablets for a few years now, but i really finding it hard to cope, and there school just keeps kind of threating me that they wont pass year 10, we live along way from the school and dont really have close friends, there not social at all, and im really losing it, worried about there schooling and its my fault.

[Zeal]

Hi Holi,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm so sorry to hear about the hardships you and your sons have faced. The abuse from your husband would have had (and may continue to have) serious implications for you emotionally, and it makes me sad that he did this.
I am so glad you mustered the courage to leave, despite the lack of support or home security. I can't imagine how physically and mentally exhausting being homeless would be. You have had a lot to bear as a single Mum, sufferer of depression and a survivor of domestic violence.

It would have been a miracle if something didn't give way under the pressure, so you are not to blame for this schooling situation with your sons. Living far from school, the chronic depression you're battling, caring for teen sons by yourself (both who have mental health conditions) and other life stressors has made your situation overwhelming.

I've been wondering, do you have any family who live in your state/city? I hope you have been able to receive some help, such as welfare payments or services from organisations such as The Red Cross. You deserve support. If you haven't already (and if it's local enough and affordable), seeing your doctor (GP) would be beneficial. It's important to have mental health check-ups with the doctor who prescribed the depression tablets. When you are overwhelmed in the moment and need to speak to someone, helplines are great. Beyondblue's 24/7 support service is on 1300 22 4636, and SANE Australia is on 1800 18 7263.
The Beyondblue Healthy Families website has great links and resource pages about managing mental health challenges in young people, as well as info on resilience and ways to help yourself as a carer.

The Kids Helpline website (for under 25's) has great online support options for young people. Your sons may be able to access online counselling.

This webpage has great mental health resources. Here's the link: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm I was shown these resources by a mental health nurse years ago, and highly recommend them. It's important to have face-to-face support for your mental health too (if possible). These resources are a complement to in-person emotional support. But if you can't attend appointments, using the depression resource from this link and using helplines will hopefully be of some benefit to you.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Holi]

Thank you for that info, i dont have family now, i just have some really dark days, and really bad thoughts run through my mind,and then i think all they have is me, i will endeavour to go back to the doctor and get the boys more help its just my son with ocd wont talk to anyone we went to see someone he wont engage its hard watchimg them struggle, i just feel so helpless.

[Zeal]

Hi again Holi,

You're welcome 🙂

That's rough, having the dark thoughts and dark days. If you are in crisis, remember that Lifeline is available 24/7 on 13 11 14, and of course 000 can always be reached.

If you don't mind me asking, could you say a little more of what you know about your son's OCD? I've had OCD since I was 13, so for a decade now. Every individual with OCD is slightly different of course, but if your son's obsessions and compulsions are related to germs and cleanliness, then I could tell you a bit about my own experience.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Holi]

Hi, he wont touch any food without a tissue, he always showers after meals, if he goes to the toilet he has to shower straight after it. I can't cook certain food he does not like the smell, he clothes have to be changed after every shower, i go through maybe a box of tissues everyday, he won't touch his phone etc unless his hands are very clean or uses tissues.social wise he wont hardly talk he gets his brother to do it. And really avoids anything social. And after i cook certain meals he gets so upset if i dont shower and change my clothes,and he wont cut his hair because he hides under it, when he was a baby he would hide under his bib. Hes always been very insecure. As a child always making sure where i was

[BballJ]

Hi Holi,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Sorry to read everything you are going through. How very tough to be a single mum but add in all your circumstances, I can only imagine how difficult it all is, and well done for doing what you are doing and trying you best to help your sons. I have battled anxiety for around 10 years and I know how hard it can be. Zeal has given some great advice above but I just want to add further to it by saying you should get help yourself from the doctor and try to get right as much as you can so then you can in turn help your sons. You seem like you are trying to take all their concerns on, on top of yours, as any great parent would but in reality you need to be strong enough mentally to help them as well. You are doing a great job please don't think you are not.

Regarding the abusive messages, can you possibly change your number so you don't have to deal with them at all?

Please, keep posting back as much as you like, we are always here to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Holi]

Sorry i forgot this is the most important soap the type of soap the smell etc amd talc powder if he doesn't have it he goes crazy, sometimes he uses four different soaps at once.

[Holi]

Thank you jay, ive changed my number so many times, because my boys wont talk to him they refuse to answer his calls he texts me, he once called the police when he could not contact me, and told them he had fears for his childrens safety, he told them i am mentally unstable.

[Zeal]

Hi Holi,

Your son's OCD sounds very severe. These obsessions and compulsions are certainly having a negative effect on the whole family. For severe OCD, medication may be needed, but only medical professionals can advise you on this. I started medication under a psychiatrist's supervision at 13, because I had/have an imbalance of the brain neurotransmitter serotonin, which is integral to the regulation of mood, sleep and appetite. I have been on SSRI's (a class of antidepressants that assist in serotonin regulation) since I was 19. I've had years when I didn't take any medication though. Treatment for mental illness is ultimately the choice of the individual, and in the case of minors, the parents too.

OCD is often very frustrating for family members. It's been difficult for my parents and younger sister. My Dad wanted me to "fix" the situation, which he learned wasn't realistic. The severity of my OCD has varied over time. It was most severe when I was between 15 and 16. My hands were raw red, cracked and bleeding from hand washing, and I would get overwhelmingly anxious whenever anyone in my family was sick, even from a cold.
My OCD was most manageable when I was actively engaged in rowing during one third of the year from the age of 12-15. I'm guessing that the physical and mental health benefits of the exercise plus the frequency (5 times per week) contributed to this.

This website, http://www.ocduk.org/, while not Australian, is a comprehensive source of info and support for OCD sufferers and their family. Bookmarking this for future perusal is worthwhile.

I wish there were solutions, but mental illnesses like OCD unfortunately don't work that way. But recovery - or symptom improvement - is possible.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[BballJ]

Hi Holi,

I see, very tough situation you are in. I would keep the Beyond Blue number close and remember you can call them 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 to discuss anything you feel.

Zeal has provided some amazing advise above which I hope you take on but remember you need to get yourself right to help your children as well.

My best,

Jay