What to do after losing your lifeline?

[Nebulous]

Hi everyone,

I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine.

To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minimal support base (my sister also travelled here to study and lives an hour away) and was recently dumped by my 1-year girlfriend because of my depression. As I had really made no other friends here she was my lifeline, and while she is a deeply selfless and compassionate person I just became too much of a burden for her.

At the moment I am just trying to reboot my life and pick myself up; reading literature for my upcoming units, participating in clubs/activities, and trying to socialize. I would say that I am only moderately depressed at the moment, which is why I can find the energy to even attempt the aforementioned things. I do however have low energy, lower appetite, deficient sleep, poor memory, feelings of pointlessness, etc. I just began taking medication today but obviously will have to wait a while for it to kick in.

My question is, how can make sure I don't spiral, as I did last year, before the drugs take effect? I am honestly making every effort to connect to people, but am also highly introverted and low on social energy, which can make it hard. I also just feel as if I am just naturally unlikeable until people get to know me very well, which is something that seldom happens. Because I have been so worried about potentially being alone I have spoken frankly with my ex asking if we could try to be friends quickly. Unfortunately we both hold quite strong feelings for the other and texting/calling her has only scared her more, though she sincerely wants to help me. She is crazy about me but sees me as a sort of ticking bomb of severe depression at this stage, and wants to be away from the blast zone. It is the weirdest mix of devotion and fear. The whole day of the break-up was this bizarre, suspended period where she seemed to be battling against herself to actually say the words. Honestly, above all I just can't bear the idea of not being able to talk to her. I would take the hit of friendship any day in order to have her in my life again, but she is emotionally unprepared for it (and I probably am too).

Anyway, story over. I would be grateful to hear your thoughts on this, thank you for your time and help 🙂

[Fairywings]

Hey there im sad to know you r experiencing this at the moment in your life. Breakups r never easing especially if the both of you are very much still in love. It sounds to me she needs a little time to sort things out in her head bc i can emphasize with the both of you from her side is scared she doesn't know how to help you and on your side your scared to loose her and acknowledge that u r not in a good space atm in your life. Start writing a journal everyday and get urself out of the house doing things u enjoy doing fresh air always helps to clear the head and you will start feeling better about things.  I don't c this relationship u guys ending you both just need some time and space to sort through some things time is the healer of all things sounds to me u guys r destined to be and stay together and i can see the love u guys have for eachother will no doubt get u thru this rough patch all couples have them its only part of life. I wish u all the very best we r all here for you please keep in touch xx 😊

[Doolhof]

Hi Nebulous,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanks for sharing your story with us. From what you wrote, it does sound like you are trying hard to get on top of your depression.

You mentioned you are taking medication and also that you have experienced this kind of depression previously. Do you recall any strategies that helped you in the past to deal with your depression?

As you are on medication, you must be seeing a Dr. Can he or she point you in the direction of professionals you can talk to about how you are feeling? Are their counsellors at the uni whom you can talk with?

You mentioned your sister is in Australia with you. Do you have many opportunities to catch up with her? Is it possible for you to connect to other people of your nationality if that is what you would like to do?

There is a lot of information on this site about depression, maybe reading some of that might help you to understand more about how you are feeling.

Regarding your ex girlfriend, I'm not really sure what to recommend there. Some people find it very difficult to relate to people with depression and other mental health issues.

The medication may take a while to kick in, if you are having a hard time, you can use the Beyond BLue phone line as listed below. The people there will be able to help and advise you.

Despite not having your girlfriend with you, and being here in Australia away from your home, you do not have to go through this alone. There are people out there to help you.

Hope some of this has helped.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools