What to do about partner hiring prostitutes?!

[Confused_partner]

So I have been separated from the father of my two children for over 2 1/2 years. And have been with my new partner for about two years now. He just moved in with me a few months ago and at the same time he was moving in with me I found texts on his phone that he was arranging to see a prostitute.... he didn’t do it in the end but he paid her for photos and was definitely going to go through with it (the timing just didn’t work I think). Then last week he totally blew me away by getting down on one knee and proposing with a fancy diamond ring and all.... I didn’t say yes straight away I was so shocked and totally not expecting it at all!! But he convinced me to say yes basically. Then a few days after that there’s a couple of hours out of his day when I was at work and he wasn’t that can’t be accounted for, he wasn’t answering his ph and his internet was turned off so I couldn’t see his location. What he said he was doing and how much he actually achieved don’t add up, and he’d changed his shirt while out as I found one that he was wearing (smelt like fresh cologne) in the back of his car. I’ve questioned him and he’s flat out denying it but I know better. I’m pretty sure he was with a sex worker. A couple of days after that he bought us a new car (an expensive one). Things are so much easier for me financially with him living here after I’ve been doing it on my own with my kids for the last couple of years and when he’s with me he does treat me really well! I don’t think he can give up the hookers and he also has some mental health issues which I think may have been misdiagnosed. What should I do? We saw a sex therapist after I originally found the first texts and after a one on one session with him she felt that he had some sort of mental health problem that hasn’t been correctly diagnosed and wouldn’t see us again until he got a second opinion psych assessment (this takes a while to get through the system). He currently has a ptsd diagnosis but I think there could be some borderline personality stuff going on there. I’m so confused about how to feel and what to do?! Can I just let the prostitutes slide because the good with him outweighs the bad? Can he change? Is his hooker problem related to underlying mental health problems? How much do us women have to put up with to get some of what we need? Thanks 🤯

[geoff]

Hello CP, and a warm welcome.

There seem to be several issues in what you've told us, but I'm not qualified to say just trying to help you out.

He may well appreciate if you are able to help him because you love him and he's been a provider and may have been doing this before the two of you learned of each other, and the reason why, and what I mean is it a habit or something he needs, and I mean this metaphorically.

If you want this relationship to be ongoing, now that the good is better than the bad, but what about the long term.

I'll post his off first of all and hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Confused_partner]

Hello thanks for your reply. I didn’t go into the full history with my original post.... so I think I’ve been pretty understanding so far, a couple of months after we first got together he started trying to reconcile with the mother of his children and they started sleeping together again.... he had both of us for three months!! In the end I made him choose me or her and get a psych assessment because both me and her thought he had major issues that needed treating! That’s where the ptsd diagnosis and treatment came out and I let myself trust him again. It wasn’t easy and I finally let my guard back down and gave him all of me and moved him and his kids into my house and then bam! At it again!!! What the actual hell?!?! I’ve had enough of being so understanding about poor cheater and why he does what he does. And he’s not full provider, I have a good job and it’s my house under my name that we’re living in, it’s just so much better having someone to go halves with in living expenses.