- Beyond Blue Forums
- Caring for myself and others
- Relationship and family issues
- What should I do?
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Printer Friendly Page
What should I do?
He's clearly completely co-dependent on your daughter, suicidal threats in this instance are most likely a manipulation technique to get her to return to him.
Until he learns to deal with issues through therapy, and gains his own independence he will forever do this.
He would most likely do it to the next girlfriend or previous ones. I'm sure this isn't the first time he's threatened self harm when she hasn't complied with what he needs.
She left for a reason to do her studies, and pursue her goals.
I wouldn't give that up for someone who uses his illness against her.
Having said that, suicide is a very real thing, very dangerous...my suggestion would be to call the police next time he does it and have them attend his residence
Your daughter obviously cares very much about the other person. It is also important for her to be able to set boundaries so she can be the support she feels that she needs (?) to be. There are pages on the beyond blue website about this. My suggestion would be for you to have a look at these pages and then pass on the links to your daughter. It is easy to tell another person to get help but unless they want to get help is difficult. You can listen and suggest... But...
If your daughter is in the middle of study then perhaps she could also also check in with the counselor or similar at the school she is at.
Tricky question... does he have any other support? Other than your daughter.
Welcome to the forum.
Hope you're doing well and stating safe.
You have a great question.
People, please understand that someone's experiencing suicidal thoughts is a serious illness: it has nothing to do with being manipulative; it is a real and dangerous crisis that one may be experiencing.
If you or someone you know needs help now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. If someone is in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000).
Kendra - this is a very serious topic. I understand that you feel obligated to your child about her partner's health. It is very compassionate for you to be here searching for advise on how to help your daughter and her family.
Without adding your personal opinion about their difficulties, look at what options are available to help support her partner though his journey. Also keep in mind that it is their decision whether she comes back early or not, leave that up to them - you don't want to be manipulation their situation.
Options: you could look at supporting your daughter; by helping to support the boyfriend, your daughter would be very happy with your help by looking at ways to improve his mental wellness and to show her that you care about the both of them.
Just the same if your partner was unwell, think about what you would do if this was your partner, what would you do in this situation.
At the end of the day, what he experiences, she will too so what ever you do to support them will be beneficial to them and their situation.
hi. Just thought I would pop in to see how you are going?
from a support angle, for some it can be good to have a lot (?) of people and for others, not so many. So if he does get support from his family, and yours that can be beneficial. Its the same reason why I might have multiple support numbers in my phone.
This next bit is a little tricky and in your 1st post you mentioned anxiety. Keep in mind I write this as a parent/child thing (or the other way around). Anyway, I was in a bad position one time and mum called to check in on me. So I started telling her things. At the time I was also having bad dreams. I started to tell mum about these but she told me to stop. I did. She told me that she did not want to worry about more than she already was. In my family, mum is the sort of the rock for everyone and can have a mild form of anxiety. If it is helpful for yourself and with your own anxiety to setup some boundaries which allow your daughter to say what she needs or in a way that impacts you.
I notice (what I think) are some small improvements... getting help from his parents as well.And whether that extends to professional help? It took a year of gentle chats to get my dad to seek help.
Lastly, a person might not have tell their parents for many reasons. At the end of the day and assuming the parents are supportive, there is no failure in getting help in whatever form (initially) and perhaps reminding him that is struggling at the moment ... you are also doing the best you can and that is all that can be asked if you?