What is the right thing to do??

[Bluebird84]

I am trying to figure out the short version of my problem....in a nutshell, I love my husband, he is so wonderful to me, does so much for me, very romantic and loving, pretty much everything you could want a husband to be. The problem is, he is not the kind of step father I want for my son. In the beginning it was hard because he is very strict, we fought, we compromised and got through it. Now, i feel he is picking at my son. Saying negative unnecessary comments. Calls him names in regular conversations. Its really getting to me so I can just imagine how my son feels. Everytime the subject gets bought up my husband gets defensive and mad and then we fight and at the end of it somehow I am in tears feeling like I am the bad person.

It is my job to protect my son, I know this. Am i being selfish? Should I leave?? Is it really not as bad as i think it is?? Am i just making excuses???

Help please.

[Zeal]

Hi Bluebird,

This is a complex situation, and I feel that going to a counsellor with your husband could make a positive difference. I say this because your efforts to talk to your husband about your concerns have resulted in him being defensive and angry. In a counselling session, the counsellor can help guide the conversation and be a mediator, so that a more open dialogue between you and your husband is possible.

It's great that your husband is a great person and treats you well. Him saying negative things to your son is concerning, but judging by your husband's good qualities and caring nature towards you, I feel that he is capable of adjusting his behaviour towards your son. Hopefully the counsellor can help you two forge an understanding together on what will change to improve the situation for both of you, and for your son.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[geoff]

hello Blubird, I'm sorry that you are in this situation, because you have to look after your son as well as yourself.
By your husband (step-father) making negative comments to your son will certainly bring out a side of him that you wished would have never happened.
You are NOT the bad person here, so never think that, it's just that you want to protect or shield your son from these awful comments.
It doesn't matter how nice he is to you, it's the damage he is doing to your son and if your
husband won't accept anything you say about this then you and your son need to leave, because you don't know what he will say to him when you're not there or how he will treat him, and perhaps your son will be too scared to open up to you for fear of retribution.
I don't believe that he will be able to change his attitude, maybe that's why his other marriage failed, plus he's been like this for years.
Please take care and would love to continue this conversation with you. Geoff. x

[Bluebird84]

Thank you Zeal. I will bring up the counsellor with him. Sooooo nervous about it. Will let you know how it goes. Thanks again

[Bluebird84]

Thanks Geoff. I feel you are 100% correct. In my head i know this yet its so hard. Zeal has suggested a counsellor. I will talk to my husband about it and go from there. Lets hope things change.

Thanks