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What do you think about this situation , gf wants to work with me ?
l'd love to hear any thoughts and perspectives about my situation so please feel free ok.
My gf was living 12hours away . So when since we've met she comes down to stay a few mths a time , goes home for a few wks , comes back . She's got a casual job at home so she can come and go. Thing is she's also had a hell of a last 6 or 6yrs , a lot like mine , and her nerves are shot and she has a few other health things. God do l know how she feels. However when she's here , it's like everything just goes away for us both and we have the coolest life and times. l work at home and she just helps out , or does things round the house or outside , she's so fantastic to have around not only such a huge help which is so damn nice for a change lifes been damn hard since divorce it's just been beautiful having someone so special in my corner again, and she does that much around here or even at work , just goes out and does stuff and works that damn hard , but of course there's also the US factor and just being together too. And she's just settled right down her health comes a lot better her nerves , we both just so relaxed content and at ease.
Sooo, here's the thing. She's moving down soon and in , well that's what we're thinking. She wants to just keep our life as is , she helps at work and around the place and not get other work . She's been seeing doctors for 5yrs but still can't get some kind of centrelink thing even though they've given letters saying that she shouldn't be working but with us she's ok because everything's relaxed and she copes really well , it's like a new her and we both really like the life. My ex w and l both worked from how for a few year back when and for us anyway , that was also a great life and still one of the best times of my life , and ironically after everything , here's gf and we've loved it too.
Thing is , that would mean though we'd both be dependent on my income which would be our income. It covers enough , we wouldn't be rich but we'd get by ok her being here really doesn't make much difference to expenses. But it would also be great if she had just a bit of work on the side bringing in a bit extra , so l'm just not sure what to think about it all being on my work , our work.
Would you have any thoughts on the situation , should l ?
ironically , when l was single l met girls full set up , one had 100k in the bank, another one had 5houses , crikey that'd be nice , buttttt, we are what we are and she's a great girl.
I think ot will be ok for her to help out but with set tasks.
My last defacto partner and I ran a home based business. We made clear duties, she did the acvounts and client communication, I kept the cars running and updated equipment. We had fortnightly meetings over dinner loosely discussing problems. It worked.
I think up till now your distance relationship isnt ideal and if it continues it could cause damage. I agree, give it a try.
I don't see the problem. If the two of you are good together and there is enough cash then it seems simple.
I'd agree that things can go sour, and if for example you ended up feeling you had been taken advantage of or the pressure of being the sole breadwinner was too great then you would have to rethink.
Bear in mind there is two responsible adults here, each needs to shoulder part of the burden of the relationship, however that does not have to be financial.
May I ask what is the main reason you are hesitating, is it trust, or maybe fear of pain?
Reading your posts you have had an unpleasant experience in the past and maybe that is coloring your thinking- is that possible?
Thanks very much Tony and yeah that was something like we were thinking. The distance thing has also been hard too yeah no doubt about it . She spent a mint too coming and going and lost a lot in earnings because she's been down here with me so we def' can't keep that going much longer. It's also added to her nerve problems too badly .
Hi Croix and thanks very much also.l've loved some of your thoughts and stories around the forum along with Ton's and many others.
Yeah , l guess it is a bit of a trust thing for me too. She's done absolutely nothing at all ever to cause me any trust worries , matter of fact she must be the hardest working most good hearted woman around here , l've ever known. l guess it's more about where l've been and def' not wanting to mess up again, not to mention not being able to afford to mess up again.She doesn't want anything from me though and we've talked about what ifs, should things not work out or whatever and even with all that she's been 100% up front even saying she'd want absolutely nothing , we'd just go our separate ways.
So l dunno. It's very common for partners to work a business l know , even my brother and his wife have for 30yrs or so now. There's is something like we'd be it's only on a part time thing they don't work together everyday all day.
We get along and gel so well, as far as anything is possible to know l feel great about everything US, l guess apart from trust, and l do trust her 99% , that's more me being cautious than anything, l'm still just scared of messing up l think , l just can't afford too at this stage.
All the best
Hi RX, what makes me happy is to see you being happy, that's what counts after all you have been through.
Thanks very much Geoff very appreciated and likewise mate ..
Since talking to you guys and l can't thank you enough for the thoughts, l'm feeling really good about the idea , and peaceful in fact , exited peaceful that is. But the peace is a big thing for me, good sign.
She's also been talking about a part time internet business too just something really small she feels she could cope with that and likes the idea of that too so who knows maybe she might even get that going along the way sometime.
Best to all
Hi there Ramdomx,
I work with my wife but not from home and not my own business! The benefits of haveing someone in your corner and knowing what stressors are at work is such a god send! In the past I’ve had partners that have no idea about my role and responsibilities and their input was never helpful! For you and your partner who has clear suffered some workplace set backs this situation appears to be a positive for both your mental health goals. As for the income you said it yourself you won’t be rich but you can get by! Money helps but for me a loving supportive home is what stands me in good stead! If you feel that dollars may pose an issue then maybe have a discussion with your partner and try to identify potential triggers or alarm bells that you can plan for should the income cause a negative mindset! I say give it a go and be open and honest with one another through this journey.
Hi Browny82, thanks for your comment and sorry RX to butt in first because it's a good thread, my apologies RX.
I think this sounds like a good idea.
the main thing about working together amd living off one oncome is that there is always
open communication so that little things don't turn into big issues and potential issues are delat with quickly.
Also that her contribution is appreciated and she feel valued and I can see you do this.
Having a small internet business sounds good as long as it doesn't cause too mush pressure on her.
You have been very honest on these forums and willingly offered support to others and I hope it all works out well for you both.
Hi browny and thanks very much for the thoughts and experience vert appreciated.
Some great points there yeah for sure l see what you mean. And if a couple get along in that way , lot of advantages l reckon . A curse for the wrong couple but the right thing and it'd be a good life , lt only started accidentally really ,she just slotted straight into things really, the way l live,my job, the property ,, everything. She's even cut her meds back where as they'd actually increased for 15yrs. Shes got veggie garden goin on, put in trees, stuff goin on all over the place, she's a different girl. That's actually why she's been able to consider now the little internet thing. So yeah hearing what everyone has to say here l think it'd work out nice all things considered,
Hey geoff and mateee no worries at all you can dance on my threads if ya wanna mate always good to see ya.
Hi quirky and thanks very much for that very appreciated.
And yeah l love her around can't say that for some but us we just kinda gel so yeah l think it'd be pretty good really after talking it out here. Funny actually too she's extremely good with money and l'm extremely bad with it, l should be able to save quite a bit but l never save anything so that alone would pay her way and then plenty.
The internet thing yeah l'd be lookin out for her that's for sure. she;s just started thinking about that because she's feeling so much better. She could'n't of even considered it before and been so frustrated for years now because of her thing and hasn't been able to do much of anything. But she's settled down so much here that atm she's thinking she'd actually enjoy it now and feels pretty confident she could handle it. Mist admit l am a bit wary worried it might counteract her improvements and set her off again . So l'm not sure about that one buttttt.
Many thanks to all.