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What am I doing wrong if at al

Community Member

Hi there,

 I'm a 45 year old single mum with two kids. I divorced 12 years ago which ended as a result of infidelity (him).....I got into another relationship 3 years after my break up which lasted 2 years which again ended as a result of infidelity (him) 

I have been in a few r/ships since but nothing lasting long than 4 months and definitely without total commitment on my behalf. So after 6 years of being single I finally got involved with a man whom I fell head of heels for. He is separated from his wife as a result of infidelity (him) which I was aware of when I decided to commit to him. My story is not about my not trusting him it is about the guilt he harbours towards his ex wife for what he did to her.  She is depressed, voliatile and extremely nasty and as a result of the pain he has caused her she takes it out on their 11 year old daughter.  I understand that she is hurting and feels guilty for part of her pain and suffering but I don't believe that he should be the person responsible for her repair....He does not understand when I try to explain to him that time spent trying to console her is time impeding on our r/ship.......I would like to add she is 53 years of age and has 2 other daughters who are 30 and 27 years of age who are from a previous marriage who never see there biological father which she believes is an appropriate situation. 

 My partner insists that he needs to be as helpful as he can any time his ex needs assistance as it is for the best of their daughter. This is causing major issues with my partner and I as I feel he is investing too much time with her subsequently biding into our time together.  

 I suffer with depression and have done for many years and as a result of above mentioned actions by my partner I am finding it extremely hard to move forward in our r/ship......am I being selfish? 

 What and how do I get thru to him that his actions are hurtful and affecting our r/ship?

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Sally J, welcome

Whenever a child is involved with a previous relationship I'm all for a kind of friendship/acquaintanceship forming for the happiness of the child and the harmony between both parents.

However there is boundaries and he should not have commenced another serious relationship if his emotions were still tied up with her.

"My partner insists that he needs to be as helpful as he can any time his ex needs assistance as it is for the best of their daughter."- no,no,no. I do not agree with that. However I'm no family counsellor.

Contact Relationships Australia to make an appointment. I do not believe you can sort this out without input from a qualified person.

Tony WK