Dear CNFUZD~
It's a pretty good thing to come here and I hope you really feel welcome. I'm sure many can understand how things are for you from their own lives.
One thing that stood out for me was saying you argued over silly things. I guess that happens an awful lot, though I've no real idea why. Maybe the big important things make one stop and think, don't know.
I do know it is very encouraging you want it to stop and are taking the trouble to post here to try to sort it out. Half the battle is wanting to make things better. I hope your partner feels the same way.
I guess in my own case there are a couple of things we try together. The first is never to say anything that can't be taken back. An example is if a partner is overweight you would never ever say they were fat. It hurts too much, goes too deep and can't be taken back.
As well we really try to listen to what the other person is saying, even if it is only a hint. It's very easy to 'gloss over' what someone says, particularly if you have a different view. This just makes them feel ignored and probably cross.
As an example I wanted to paint some window frames, my partner wanted clear plastic. I could see problems in rubbing back the wood to get a bare finish as it had been painted and filled before. When my partner understood then paint was OK. The point was I explained clearly it was not just me wanting my own way and it was no longer an argument.
I'd like to suggest the some marriage counseling, maybe concentrating on dispute resolution might be a good thing for you both to consider. Perhaps you might like to talk it over with your wife?
I would imagine the fact you are taking trouble to improve your relationship would make her feel good.
Please let us know how you get on
Croix
