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Was I wrong to leave?
Feeling at a loss. 7 years ago I went through a group of stressful events. I lost both my grandmother's 3 months apart, had to walk away from my dream business as it was illegally sold to me. Then to top it off my son, then 13 came to me in tears and completely distressed telling me all the horrible things my then husband had been saying to him about me. He basically ran me down as a person to my son. From sexual content to how useless I was.
This shattered my world. I asked him to leave and he agreed to go stay at the farm house. He continued to take out his issues on my son when he had contact.
His behavior became even more erratic after I told him I wasn't coming back. 6 years later I am fighting depression, anxiety, trying to survive and now finally settlement. He is and has made everything so very difficult. I just want all this to end. It's been a nightmare. I sometimes think should I have stayed and lived a miserable life doing what he thought I should be doing....was it wrong of me to leave?
I guess I am feeling a bit scared and lost still. Also feeling uncomfortable due to lack of feeling secure. Probably within myself!
Manly my reasons are with marriage... you are supposed to work on issues and stay together. Good and bad. This hasn't happened. That's one aspect of it I am missing.
I am also missing out on the financial security and having someone around.
Thinking about it though I have really written why it wasn't wrong to leave. There's more to life then money and having someone who treats you bad...it's really been a confusing stressful time.
Thank you for asking these questions. It has helped me see with a bit more clarity 🙂
Hi Gypsyangel. Sometimes we have to weigh up whether the financial aspects of remaining in a bad marriage is better than 'going it alone'. It's scary suddenly being alone after the financial security of being in a relationship, but the final decision only you can make. The peace you find after a turbulent relationship ends, no money can buy, that comes from within. All the fighting, horrid things you both say in anger come to an end. Suddenly your life's your own, you don't have to justify to anyone why you want to just stay in bed, should you desire. I would rather be alone than unhappy. You can get a job (volunteer, if you like). My marriage is not happy, but I am because I took control of my life, now the world's my oyster. I have more friends than I know what to do with. It takes strength and guts, but once you make up your mind that, that's how you want to be, the happiness is wow.
My husband does his 'thing' I do mine. We seldom do anything together, but I'm happy because there's no anger. I'm not saying that works for everyone, but because there's no love, it's easy. I've learnt to ignore his rubbish, half the time, I don't even hear him. I'm going on holiday next year with some friends. If you want to stay with him for financial reasons, be clear with him that you won't put up with his put -downs. Don't tell him why you're staying, and don't use your son as a weapon, let him. Your son will soon work out what's what. Have you been to Centrelink for financial help? They can put you on a scheme which will give you financial security. Once your hubby sees your strength, he may be quite surprised, so may you. Don't be his whipping 'boy' anymore, you don't need to.