Want to leave partner.

[Ruth-07621]

Hi, wondering if anyone has any experiences with this they could shed some light for me?!

I have been planning to leave my partner for a few months, actually made the decision. He smokes weed alot and emotionally abusive. Not full on but enough to make me cry alot, not love him anymore and want to leave.

I have been working casually and also studying. I have low self esteem and have found it hard to get another job to support myself. My plan was to get full time work and pay rent myself but the situation is getting more urgent to leave. It is so toxic here.

I am thinking about asking my parents if I can move in with them until I get a f/t job. It's just , I'm in my early 30's now which for one makes me feel ashamed I haven't got my life together and two I feel like such a burden on them. I have moved in and out of their place in the past , leaving another partner on and off. My dad said not to come back, kinda jokingly but... now I don't want to ask.

My parents don't know anything about what I've been going through here and I'm considering just telling them the truth. I just feel so ashamed of my situation. What would you do?!!

[Sophie_M]

Hi Ruth-07621,

Thank you so much for your openness and strength in sharing this here. It sounds like there is a lot going on, and we’re really glad you could reach out to the forums.

We’d recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support with this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here. They are experts in supporting people who are experiencing abuse and will listen in a kind, understanding and non-judgmental way.

It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here. 

We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, here’s a few things you might like to look at:

• 1800 RESPECT’s advice on safety planning: thinking about things you can do to be safer while you’re there and as you plan to leave
• It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here
• Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here.

Please feel free to share a bit more and let us know what is going on for you, and what might help, if you feel comfortable.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I personally wouldnt return to your parents place. I would seek out flatmate shared accommodation in a location nearby your work.

Secondly, perhaps 2 part time jobs is a better plan? Just something to consider as it offers more variety than 8 straight hours in one place.

Good luck.

TonyWK

[Sophia16]

Hi Ruth,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being so open. It seems like you are feeling distressed and alone.

Moving in with your parents may feel embarrassing at 30, but trust me, I am sure they will be more than happy to have you back. They are your parents at the end of the day. They raised you and they love you.

Remember you are the most important thing in this world. it may sound selfish, but it is true. You have to do what is best for you.

Stay safe and I am always here to chat.

[Ruth-07621]

Hi Tony,

I have actually spoken to one of the reach out services today. And that's another option that came up, to find a share house. Also getting another part time job seems less overwhelming and less stressful , that is a really good idea.. This all seems the way that feels right for me at the moment. I have more clarity. Thank you for your non judgemental support and kind words.

[Chocolate_brownies89]

Wow your situation sounds so similar to mine

Don't stress about what you haven't achieved

Just work on improving your future one day at a time 😃

And I also suggest talking to your family to get some support

Good luck with it all

[Juliet_84]

Hi Ruth,

My sister moved back on with my parents when she got divorced until she got back on her feet. And I moved in with my sister for a time when I separated from my ex-partner until I found a decent place on my own. I honestly wouldn’t worry in the slightest what random people think. But I would return as an adult, offer to cook a few nights a week, make sure they understand it’s only a temporary arrangement etc and maybe put a timeline on it (even if just internally) so you have something to work towards. Just do what you need to do to get yourself to a stronger place again xx

[Banksy92]

Hi Ruth,

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for reaching out about this, we want to support you. I'm so sorry you've been victim to an emotionally abusive partner, you deserve so much better. It's really positive that you're able to see that you want to get away from this and are looking for the best option.

While I don't know your relationship with your parents well, it sounds as though they would be a good option as a temporary way out of the house. If it is safe to do so, I would speak to them honestly about what's going on, and make a plan together about how you can get out. Whether its staying with them for a few weeks while you look for a share house or rental. Or staying long term to get yourself to a better place mentally and then plan your next move. I'm sure they will prefer you are happy and safe, rather than in an awful relationship and stuck?

Alternatively, do you have a close friend you can speak to and/or stay with?

Let us know how you're getting on.

[Ruth-07621]

Thanks for the messages,

I have been in controlling relationship in the past that drove me away from friends and family, I don't have friends that I can stay with.

Today I am focusing on finding work and studying a bit.

Tomorrow I might think about the possibility of talking to my parents as I try to get on my feet. A lot of changes are happening but its for the best.

Thanks for your encouragement, all of the messages have been very helpful and I feel stronger for it.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi Ruth-07621

I'd also consider shared accommodation rather than going back to your parents' house. In saying that, it wouldn't hurt to talk to them and tell them about your current situation. Even if you don't end up living with them, it's good to feel your family's support.

Good Luck!