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want to be liberated
Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions.
a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more personal counselling (extended mental health plan).
I don't feel effective as a parent or a husband, I haven't felt that I have had any effective input for several years, just being dictated to, my mood has worsened in the past 3 years after employment difficulty, and my kids are being negatively effected all the time now.
ive felt bitter and angry in my marriage for some time as I have always tried to have a best friend, a deep friendship and strong companionship, but as much as I try, it just isn't there.
I feel I want to separate so that I can be the parent I need to be, I'm not interested in material possessions, she can have everything, I'm just so tried of feeling so alone.
so I started antidepressants, weird things, some side effects, and im here for 6 months at least.
I feel that she deserves to be loved for who she is, as do I, and since that love isn't here then we should look after the kids as best we can in a split household.
I am glad you posted Stork, i think you will get lots of support and advice here.
You are at the start of this new journey of recovery, well done for taking part in your first marriage counseling session. I think it is very possible that in the next few months your thinking could change, you will regain some calmness and find some happiness. I think that you may very well rekindle your love for your wife, you will become more effective as a parent and replace your anger with satisfaction and calmness.
I do understand how you feel right now, i have been there myself. I have experienced a marriage breakup and separation from my child, it was painful. At the time neither of us had any counseling and in hindsight it could have been different. I hope you might give your recovery and your relationship the best effort you can give it, it's worth it. How does that old saying go...'nothing good is easy'. You may have to fight hard at times to get through this one, some times it will feel like you are going backwards but if you follow your plan you will end up on top.
If you don't mind me saying, you might be placing a lot of expectation on your wife and now might be a good time to spread that around? You could spend more time with mates and other family, share your self and your possessions with others, go and have some fun with some one else and focus on the positive stuff for a while. I try and take some time out each day to be thankful for the lovely things in my life, like my family, my home, the nature around me. Giving gratitude brings me peace and satisfaction, there is always something to be thankful for, even if it is a highly challenging journey. Hang in there mate, i hope you can keep us posted.
Thanks for sharing your story here. Congratulations to you for making it to the counselling session and for being willing to try the antidepressant and for agreeing to stick around for 6 months.
My husband agreed to attend counselling with me, after one session he thought everything was fixed! Ha. Ha. It is not fixed at all.
He used the opportunity to point out all of my faults and those of my family saying I was the one with the issues. Yes, I do have issues, we both do.
I like some of Jacko's suggestions especially the ones about being with other people a bit more and finding something to be grateful for each day. Stretch your horizons.
You could also try to find different things to do with your wife and children. So you dislike materialism, why not find activities that cost very little but can still be a lot of fun.
I'm not sure how old your children are, but try and find different things to do with them. Can you spend more time with just you and the children? Why not try doing some cooking together and don't worry about the mess until you have finished.
I'm sure there are a few posts here too about medication and how it can make you feel. Unfortunately that is part of the treatment. Hopefully you will soon be over the side effects and will start to feel more balanced.
Hope you manage to hang in there and find new and exciting ways to do life for yourself, with your children and even with your wife.
Cheers for now from Lauren