Walking on eggshells - dealing with a partner who pushes me away

[Guest_3256]

Hi everyone.

I am looking for some reasonable advise in regards to my situation. Maybe people who have even experienced a similar situation and what you did to grow a healthy sustainable relationship or what actions you used. My partner has some mental health issues which causes him to experience rapidly changing moods. The main issue is around infidelity. He has recently told me (after many excruciating discussions) that he cannot trust me and repeatedly accuses me of cheating with other men. He has broken up with me nearly once a week and then comes back. Push/ pull cycle. He recently told me that he gets thoughts in his head and also that he hears voices. The voices range from the neighbours telling him is on drugs, that people are out to get him and the worst one is that someone (friend apparently) is telling him that I am constantly sleeping around. He is super affectionate one minute and can turn into a vicious Veloster raptor the next. It's a constant journey of walking on egg shells. It's a roller coaster of emotions, manipulations and gaslighting. Other than that, he is very caring, loving, we bond on such a close level and he showers me with loads of love. There are a lot of good times, however, he will always look at the bad times - in which he caused. In saying that, I am always the one he blames for him feeling the way he does. This is very confusing and very exhausting to handle. Obviously I love him which is why I am writing this so I do have some faith that he will become better, I's like to get some advise and what people have done, what options they explored and if things could become easier.

Jsua - "living on the edge of the sward."

[Betternow]

Dear Jsua

That is no way to live. I have to ask. Has your husband seen a mental health professional?

I’m very concerned about some of the symptoms you describe, particularly the auditory hallucinations. He’s behaviour is not normal and I would be doing everything possible to get him to a mental health assessment professional.

What do you think?

[Guest_3256]

Hi thanks for replying.

My partner has been diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar.

He says he hears voices but thinks they are real - correct audio delusion.

I have got him on medication and his health clinician tells me he is simply emotionally manipulating and controlling me.

To the point where he goes through my phone when I'm asleep, he says he finds thinks on my phone which are not there.

I have lost my friends, family, I am in fear of saying the wrong things.

It's really exgusting. I recently ask for a break and he came around last night and told me that we are done.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Jsua,

Thank you so much for reaching out to the community this evening. It sounds like a truly exhausting situation and we understand that you feel you are having to walk on eggshells. It sounds like you are a loving and supportive partner and that you are being put through a lot. 

We would urge you to reach out to 1800RESPECT, a 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support service which you can access via phone or webchat at - 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/ Another option is the Beyond Blue Support Service. Our Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website:www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

Please know that you are not alone in this, our community is here to support you and you are welcome to keep us updated here on what you're feeling and experiencing - we care!

[Betternow]

Jsua

I guess the $64 question is how much of his behaviour is being driven by his mental health status and how much of the manipulation and controlling behaviour is being driven by his natural character.

I see Sophie has sent you the BB contact points. Don’t try and handle this alone.

Best Wishes Jsua

[Guest_3256]

Thanks Sophie_M for your reply.

It's great to know that there is support - I have been in touch with many counseling services including Beyond Blue and begin Psychology today. I have been implementing some actions to begin the process of looking after myself and focusing on me. It's been a long battle for relationship consistency and now I have finally felt some relief. The worst part of this experience is that I started to believe that I am a bad person and this I believe is the outcome of my partner's actions.

I have asked my partner to honor my boundaries and that I will no longer take responsibility for his emotions and projecting blame on to me for his inability to control his feelings. I have told him that I will no longer tolerate his unacceptable behavior and that he needs to take responsibility for his actions on not to project them on to me. I have asked him to compose himself and to come back to me when he is ready.

Anyway, I feel a bit of relief in the fact that I can now get time to myself, I still miss him more than ever, but the only way for him to understand the situation is to seek professional support so he can look after himself and take care of us better in the future.

[Guest_3256]

Hi Betternow - thanks for replying.

Interesting point made. Cheers.

[jollydolly]

Well done! You're amazing! Wishing you all the best.