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Verbal abuse

Community Member

Hi everyone,

I guess I’m writing this as a last resort. I am 28 and I Have been in a relationship with a 37 year old for the past two years. We live together and we recently had a baby together. He has 3 children already who I have absolutely adored since even before the beginning of our relationship but since our baby was born my feelings have changed and our baby is now my priority. He consistently calls me his kids step mum even though he is still not divorced which I’ve asked him to do several times but never gets done. I don’t feel as though I should be paying for groceries etc for his children to eat when my baby is my priority and I want to save for his future. Yesterday we got into a fight about a comment I made about his kids and he took the comment the wrong way. All of a sudden I don’t want his kids here (which I never said), I am a psycho, I am c**t, an a*****e and other things. I have told him many times before that I can’t stand the name calling during arguments be he continues to do it over and over again. He threatened to call loved ones of mine and tell them private things that I had told him that they don’t know about. I have had depression in the past and also have anxiety and when we fight he also throws that in my face saying I’m unstable and that he hopes the baby doesn’t get my mental health issues. He took the baby into the bedroom and wouldn’t let me hold my baby when I tried to hold him after a few hours. I was told that I was too unstable to hold him. He has been physically abusive before and promised me he would organise for us to go to couples counselling which never happened. I feel like I’m going crazy. Majority of the time he is a really good partner - funny, helpful and encouraging but the minute I say something he doesn’t like or doesn’t agree with the nastiness starts. I am feelings so heartbroken right now and cannot believe that this is where my life is at this point in time. I have family who will help me move out with the baby but I am so afraid of feeling alone.

1 Reply 1

Community Member

oh Blossom!

Leave! Please just leave! My experience is that name calling, using your words against you, threatening to divulge intimate conversations, withholding a child, using mental illness as a weapon ... are all ABUSE!

This isn't just verbal, it's emotional abuse.

Please do not bring a baby up in this environment. Pack up and go somewhere safe. You wont be lonely, you have your baby. Staying because you are scared of some lonely moment in your future, that may not happen, isn't a good reason. Your safety, and that of your baby are paramount. Don't give him the opportunity to escalate.

I have been here. I was scared. I was 43 with three kids. I am now in my fifties, in a good relationship. You can do this!