Vent

[justbe]

I feel angry and hurt whenever someone makes a mistake which puts me in a very stressful situation, and then blames my stressed response on my anxiety. Ie rather than ackowledge they stuffed up, and anyone with or without anxiety would have a stress response, they try to paint a picture that "there's no real biggie issue....boy you get stressed easily".

It is weak, dishonest, disrespectful, a true sign of their own weakness or selfishness.

[white knight]

Hi justbe

As humans we have a need to tolerate and blend in, be flexible

I have a school friend. He was never punctual, I was always early. One day I asked him to arrive five minutes earliet, making him be on time and I arrived later making me on time.

We've been friends now for 44 years.

Tony WK

[Croix]

Dear Justbe~

You are quite right, there are many who are insensitive, limited, selfish, who justify themselves at the expense of others. If you are like me the interaction is unpleasant and the aftermath lingers and rankles.

There's a couple of things. The first is fortunately not everyone is like that. There are some who are sensitive to others, go out of their way to be considerate, and if they make a mistake acknowledge the fact - at least to themselves. I go out of my way, when I have a choice to interact with them, and so far as I am able repay like with like.

Unfortunately there are the others, and it is not a;ways possible to avoid them, thought I do where I can. Here it is more a questing of attempting to modify my own reactions - there is not realistically an hope of doing much else.

Most of my strategy is based on distraction. I've not had that much luck with intellectualizing the process and 'seeing them for what they are'. I do, but it's not much help. So I have exercise, books and movies, the app Smiling Mind, favorite people and other tasks all to put me somewhere else.

I hope one day I can regard such people with equanimity - maybe next week.

Croix

[justbe]

I agree with that notion, however I believe it doesn't relate to the situation I described.

Of course we are all human, flawed, and make mistakes every day. We should accept this and not crucify people for everyday human mistakes.

I'm talking about the next level up.

Eg. Mechanic forgets to re attach brakes. Wife nearly dies when car crashes. Pretty stressful and upsetting.

If the mechanic says "gee you are easily upset",

See what I am trying to say?

[JessF]

Hello justbe, are you saying that you are treated differently because people know you have an anxiety issue? I have seen this happen, in fact I have had it happen to me. Years ago, after it became known that I had mental health issues, a former boss discouraged colleagues from contacting me for work because I "wouldn't be able to handle the stress of it". It has made me quite paranoid at times over the years, constantly checking my 'normal' emotional reactions to situations in case someone blames this on my mental health issues.

It's a difficult one, because of course the nature of anxiety means that sometimes we will react 'bigger' than the situation perhaps warrants. A mechanic forgetting to reattach your brakes would warrant a giant spray of anger. But what if you reacted with the same intensity to the mechanic forgetting to top up your wiper fluid on a regular service?

I'm not sure if you're talking about something that happens to you on a regular basis or has just happened a few times, or what the exact situation was, so I hope you'll come back and tell us more if you like.