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Urgent advice needed, Telling the children their Mother and I are Separating, I'm scared don't want to upset them unnecessarily Help!

Mr K
Community Member

It's taken me ages to come to terms with my relationship being brought to an end. I've done that but at this time am still living in the same house with my wife and the kids 9 & 4. Tonight we will be telling them we will be separating and that they will spend half their time with each parent.

I've decided I will be the one who moves out of what was our family home and I'd love there to be a way to communicate that without having to say "I'm leaving".

Any advice would be really great thanks .

6 Replies 6

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
I feel for you, brother.

When my ex-wife and I separated, my boys were 7 and 4. The way I explained it was that I had made some bad choices, and that I was going to have a time-out. We explained that we both loved them very much, and that we would always be their mum and dad, no matter what. There were some tears, but I felt then, and now, that explaining to them in terms that they would understand, it would make things easier to handle. It also helped that my ex and I agreed that regardless of our feelings for each other (which at the time were pretty bitter) that we would always put the boys first. It might also help to not say at this stage that you are leaving forever. There's plenty of time for that in the future. Kids are a lot more resilient than we sometimes give them credit for.

It's five years on now, and things are pretty ok, at least for my ex and my sons.

Mr K
Community Member

Cheers Deckt's,

My circumstances are that basically my wife wants to have a single life.

I don't think there has been any wrongdoing so to speak so blame isn't a part of this.

I just want my kids to know that I love them and they will always be a huge part of my life.

My wife frankly I can live without but my world revolves around my kids.

Community Member
Hey mate sorry to hear but not the end of the world

Im a father 7, 4 and we are a split family....shared time

Kids are resilient and they will do better with routine and structure

My advice is to goto relationships australia and have a proper parenting plan drawn up between the two of you to make sure that structures in place for them

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Sorry to hear that you have this difficult conversation coming up. I would definitely make sure they know when the next time they see you will be at the end of every visit so they know what's happening. Let them know that they aren't to blame and that you'll be there for them when they need you. Good luck!

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion


In 1996, I had to leave the family home after 11 years following my one and only suicide attempt and many years of receiving emotional abuse.

I moved into a 11ft caravan 30 minutes drive away. I too worried about my daughters 7 and 4yo. Especially I worried about them getting to school as my very lazy wife spent her life in bed etc.

Everyday I’d ring the school to see if they arrived on time, after a few weeks the principle then told me- they always arrive on time and children are resilient, they adapt better than we do.

Thete is no avoiding children’s sadness. Comments I got from my 4yo like “we want to keep you” and “I miss you” do break hearts but, you must remember they have both parents in their world and will still thrive. Life of the storybook house behind the picket fence is fake and better they face life how life is- fragile and difficult.

Good luck. Your kids will settle and take care of yourself- if not for your sake, for theirs


Community Member
No easy way unfortunately its a hard time for everyone and takes some getting used to. As hard as it may be at times whatever u do dont ever talk bad about ur ex to ur kids or in front of them, u will only be hurting ur kids. The best thing u can both do is to try and get along and never use the kids as leverage. Good luck man i feel ur pain xxx