All parents love their children right? Of course. But when
parents endure the end of their relationship its normal to focus on the job at
hand and that usually is – saving their dignity from verbal attack, considering
property division and coping with a life alone….starting over.
One of the problems with adulthood is there is rarely education
with such situations. Same as pregnancy really…some prospective parents think it
all comes naturally and there is no need for them to learn anything. With
separation the same, some think they can just cope with the trauma. What about
when children are involved? Often it’s a case of – parents separate, they both
get a lawyer, they both try to work out/suggest property settlement and the
drawn out family court begins. How many parents consult each other in a calm
fair manner for the sake of the children who, by the way, are about to lose the
full time parenthood of one parent and possibly that parent might not commence
and maintain a regular visitation? God help the children.
However, I can say that some break ups mean there is no
possibility of conducting a calm fair meeting with the other party. It only
takes one…not two as many people think. Only one needs to be spiteful or
revengeful, to have the mindset that of not wanting to be negotiable. Every situation
is different and there might be reasons that led to this condemnation that means
no talk is possible. But I would suggest that in most cases two people should
be able to put most differences aside to talk just about the children.
So I’ve put together a list of things to consider upon
separation-
Share your children with the non custodial parent. They are
not your children alone, they are the other parents children as well.
As a custodial parent seek out what ever child support you
are entitled to but recognise any extra financial input the non custodial
parent gives. Thank him/her for it.
Be nice
Organise a 3-5 minute chat together upon the children
returning home. Your kids will love to see you both chatting.
Offer to drop the children off if you are heading that way - another way of being nice
Both parents should make each other feel secure by telling
them they will not be replaced by a new love in terms of parenting
Step parents- make sure your children are treated proper.
Ensure your children are included in holiday plans.
Encourage parent and teacher night input. Why not do it together?
Other ideas welcome
Tony WK
