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Unwanted drug use

Community Member

I know that my partner has done drugs before and I don’t want to give her the ultimatum of it’s me or the drugs, but I can’t help feel worried that something bad is going to happen if she dose them, it’s mainly when we are out and with a certain friend,
I feel left out because she’s hides the fact from me, or she’s not open about why she chooses do do drugs. Or when she wants to do them.

she has asked me to hide the fact she dose do drugs occasionally from her family and says she doesn’t have a problem that she only dose it twice a year, but the fact is I’ve been out with her 4 time this year where she has done drugs, the problem is I’ve said I’m ok with it as long as she lets me know that she has done it, but now I feel I’ve lost her trust because I blew up about the fact I thought she was lying to me about using. And said I don’t like the fact she’s dose it.

I don’t do drugs because I have done in the past and it scares me to remember how I was so dependent on them. I was an addicted and haven’t touched drugs in 3years.

Yes it’s putting my judgment on her and my views on her choices,
But I don’t like that she’s had been doing it more regularly since we have been together,
I just want her to be happy to go out and not feel the need to take drugs,
I think it’s mainly ecstasy and mdma
Why is it so hard for me to have this feeling of not wanting her to do it knowing that she is probably going to keep doing it.

3 Replies 3

Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi EmP;

It's good you've posted and asked for support which is courageous, so well done.

I'm sorry this situation is occurring. Drug use is a major societal and interpersonal issue. Talking about it makes sense and hopefully will help you decide what's best.

I'm wondering if you're projecting some of your own experience onto your gf. I'm not saying what she's doing doesn't require addressing; I'm just thinking your full-on responses might be caused from fear and what you went thru moreso than her behaviour.

It's also a matter of how your beliefs and the way you want to live your life are different from what your gf represents. This conflict of ideals could be at the core of where your life's heading and what you want from an intimate relationship now, as opposed to where things were 3 yrs ago. Yeah?

I'm assuming you're in your 20's (?) so would be in the midst of making decisions that will affect the rest of your life in terms of who you want to be and what you want to achieve. This decade and probably the next will be a time of mistakes, growth and maturing.

I guess what I'm saying, is that your situation isn't so much about your gf as it is about who you are as a man. Is this making sense?

I hope to hear from you soon to find if any of my comments resonate with you.

Take care;


Community Member


thanks for taking to me about this.

Yes I do think I put too much of my own experience into her choices to take drugs occasionally and it conflicts with how I want to live my life in the future,

she also drinks excessively and has been verbally abusive towards me,

I drank way too much the other night and got out of control with my actions witch causes me to hurt her finger because I pushed her away from me.

I am ashamed of how I acted, I am still getting control of my drinking, I gave up for 3months prior to this incident and through that time my gf would say things like oh I liked you better when you drank, or I remember the old you.

Like she wanted me to give in and yes that happend and now I can’t take back the fact I hurt her and I’m stuck on what to do,

i have made the decision again to stop drinking for good, witch I know isn’t easy I’ve tried so many times, I just am weak sometimes and think I can have a few I never seem to learn. I have really messed things up.

Is the end of this relationship inevitable?

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi EmP1

You sound like a very thoughtful person, for a couple of reasons. 1) You are thoughtful in regard to the path you wish to take (as well as the one you don't wish to take) and 2) You are being thoughtful towards your girlfriend in regard to how you treat her and basically wanting the best for her all 'round. By the way, don't feel too bad about the finger thing as it sounded like a genuine accident. Remember, guilt does not exist for the purpose of us beating ourselves up; guilt is really just a signpost (if you can picture it) asking you to choose which path you wish to take - a path of apology, a path of change for the better, a path that causes us to cut ties with destructive behaviour and so on. If we stand at that signpost for eternity, it is torturous. If we see that signpost as a wake-up call to greater consciousness then we can move on past it.

Drugs (alcohol included) are basically mind altering substances that typically take us into a whole other world. Personally, I used to be a heavy drinker for one reason; it changed me. I was a social butterfly, laid back, happy etc. Once I stopped drinking, the drinkers around me found me challenging to get along with because I was not being 'myself'. Funny thing is we are much closer to being our authentic self when we are sober. Sobriety is a challenging path but one with fewer regrets and no blackouts. The natural highs in life are far more rewarding than the artificial ones and the bonus is we can remember them the next day.

Although we are able to help others through challenging times and addictions, ultimately the decision is theirs regarding which path they are going to take in life. It may be a tough call but perhaps it's worth thinking about your own path before your girlfriends. Personally, I would not be the woman I am today if I had stayed (holding hands) with those who had chosen a path of self-destruction. If only we had a crystal ball, hey; we would easily see the best course of action to take in life at any given time!

You are an evolutionary being EmP1. The question is 'How do you wish to evolve?'

Take care