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We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to people in your situation. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/ If you feel up to it, we'd also encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to give you support as well as advice and referrals to help you.
Please check in and let us know how you are going whenever you feel up to it.
I'm very glad you have met Sophie_M here in this thread and have been able to contact 1800 Respect. Although I've read your other posts I'm unsure as to the nature of the trauma you suffered when young, and also hope your recent operation has turned out well.
When one has a relationship one expects ups and downs, and if your own childhood was an unhappy or mistreated one it can be hard to see the balance a good relationship will have.
It is never good for one partner to act in such a way that children instinctively look to the other for protection and comfort, both parents should, simply motivated by love by love, nurture and protect equally.
Please do not blame yourself over this, as I say, without an example to think back on balanced judgment is just about impossible.
Instead think of all the actions of love you have given that make the children seek you out, and the determination you are showing in not only getting your own past dealt wiht -an act of sheer bravery, but are taking steps here to make things right.
Please let us know how you get on
Thank you for your reply 😊
my childhood trauma wasn’t from my family, it was from a friend of my parents and as the abuse happened over several years I don’t remember much about my childhood but my parents were both very kind hearted people. My dad died when I was 11 leaving my mum alone with 7 kids (6 maybe 5 still living at home) so my family life was fine as a child but once I realised that what was happening with the family friend I spiralled out of control and have had a lot of hate and shame for myself over all the disruptive, reckless and out of control behaviours I had through my teens and early 20’s.
i only blame myself because I let it happen and deep down I felt like it wasn’t ok but always played it down like still to this day I literally had to ask if that kind of behaviour is ok because I make excuses and play it down which is just as terrible and unsupportive for them. I e obviously got a lot of work ahead of me to try and make things right but I appreciate your advice and support 😊
I'm glad you had loving parents and am only sorry your dad passed away when you were at such a young and vulnerable age.
I suspect that in some way that other person took advantage of you, injuring you in the process. Here I mean mental injury.
One thing I seem to see is that just about everybody blames themselves for that injury, e'en though they were the victim. The is always some sort of excuse the mind can dredge up to blame oneself.
I can see straight away your are doing some important things quite right. The first is being a loving haven for your kids, if they see you instinctively as a source of love and protection -comfort and happiness, then you are doing OK.
The second is finding out that your relationship is an abusive one harming your kids and you.
Now that you know the facts have you discussed what you might do -and if you have any support, maybe one of your family, to help?
Hi and welcome to the forum.
I am sorry to hear of your situation and I imagine how difficult this must be to experience. It sounds like your is quite frustrated and possibly temperamental about your situation. I know from personal experience that sometimes it can be too overwhelming when a partner becomes mentally unstable or experiences difficulties and it can really impact on then family routine and dynamic. The best thing to do is not too blame your partner for your difficulties. You should own your difficulties, however, at the same time, he needs to be supportive.
I am planning to talk through it with my psychologist On Wednesday because my mind is still going back and forth with how I feel about it and whether I would take it as far as calling it abuse I just feel like using that term makes it sound more serious than it is but also either way he does need to work on his temper but I honestly don’t know how to approach him about it because I feel like I’ve tried every way I can think of and every time he says this time is it he will change I give in because I know he’s trying and means well and before you know it we’re back at the yelling again. I’m not ready to talk to family and friends about it yet because I want to hear what my psych has to say about it first 😊