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Unsure on whether it will get better
The key for me is in the middle of your post where you say "I love him to bits and I’m scared to leave. I don’t like being alone."
The fear of being alone is not a good reason to stay in a bad relationship. In fact, the fear of being alone is likely to lead you into bad relationships time and time again until you work through that fear and conquer it.
From what you are describing, you have effectively been alone for much of the three years you have known your boyfriend, either through physical distancing or emotional.
I think you are right that your time is best spent focusing on your needs.
Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. It is good you've found your way here. People are caring, friendly, supportive and have experience with mental health.
Do you mind as we go through if I ask you a few questions? It just helps to get the conversation going.
I'm assuming you are both in your late teens or early twenties. So you have a whole life ahead of you. Supporting someone with depression and anxiety is hard work and takes commitment. It can be done, however, you must also be aware of your own mental health as you go on such a journey. You need to take care of yourself as well. You are the priority. So if things aren't going well for you, you do have to think first about your own welfare.
When we have anxiety and depression, it is so important to have someone to talk to, as well as seeing a health professional/s on a regular basis. I talk with my hubby and see my gp and psychologist monthly. Talking through issues helps to identify the underlying cause. You say something has upset him recently but won't talk to you about it. Does he see a gp or a counsellor? He needs to think about talking to them. They have to respect his privacy unless what he tells them endangers himself or anyone else. Then they are bound to report the matter.
If he wants to talk annonymously, he could call one of the support services, e.g.
- Beyond Blue Support Services 1300 224 636
- Lifeline 13 11 14
- If aged 12-25 eHeadspace 1800 650 890
You are doing really well and it's so good of you to want to support him. To help you do this think about whether you would also benefit from talking with someone about your relationship and helping someone with depression. As I'm not a counsellor, think about other services you can contact, e.g. - Relationships Australia 1300 364 277 or the Beyond Blue Support Services 1300 224 636.
Let us know how you get on.
Welcome to the B.B. Forum too, such wonderful advice form both JessF and PamelaR. Their words of wisdom are very helpful in your time of need.
I think you not fully shore or ready to leave. You no doubt love him and have always been loyal to him which is wonderful in any relationship. He confused I think about what he wants, How he feels and what he needs. I think for him. He needs help as PamelaR has kindly provided. For you, beening alone is what you fear if the relationship don’t work is a bit worrying, totally agree with JessF. Lot of people will take advantage of that and you be at a higher risk of bad relationships. You are strong and you can achieve anything. Believe in yourself Sam
All the very best
Welcome to the community here. You have already received some great responses.
It might help you to take out pen and paper and make two columns, one for the pros and one for the cons. Write down reasons for staying with your boyfriend than consider reasons for leaving him.
Take a look at the lists, maybe put it aside for a day or two than reconsider what you have written. It might help you to clarify what you want to do.
Cheers from Dools
We are both 21. He sees a psychologist. He saw his on Monday.
I am considering seeing one myself
The support and advice above is excellent and focuses on you as your well being and happiness is paramount.
I really hope you can place yourself first. It may take some time for your partner to recover from his depression as there is no quick fix unfortunately. I have had depression for some years now and even with super regular treatment it still lingers
Being with a partner that has diagnosed depression is hard work. You are proactive by mentioning to see a counselor yourself....even a GP would be a huge help!
Please be gentle to yourself Sam145
My kind thoughts
This situation certainly sounds difficult. Is it possible for you to find a counsellor to talk with regarding how you are feeling? You are certainly welcome to share more here, I can imagine it is hard to see both of these people at work.
Do you have to work on the same shift as your ex boyfriend, can you talk tot he person who does the rosters and ask if you can be scheduled to work different times?
Do you have people there who can help and support you through this?
It is important to try and look after yourself despite how you are feeling. Keep up looking after yourself and being aware of your needs right now.
Do you have something planned for the weekend? do you have friends you can go out with?
Cheers from Dools