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Unsure about my current relationship !
I hope sharing here on beyondblue forums can help you. That's a tough situation you describe, sounds like he is stealing money, lying about it, borrowing money unfairly of whomever.
Gambling? idk, where else might his money pit be? I think you should aim to protect yourself first but help him if/where you are still comfortable doing so.
Thank you sharing your experience on the forums. It does sound like a difficult situation for you. For myself, any partnership requires honesty. You sound like a very caring person as well. That money has gone missing without your knowledge is concerning!
The first part you don't have to answer here and I am unsure of how close you were at the time... Were there plans to pay you back? What was the money for?
It sounds to me like this question of ending the relationship has been on your mind for a while? This is not really a question I can answer. However I would ask whether the things that have happened to you would consider deal breakers? And if so, can you see any way back?
Put it this way, I could not live with someone so evasive and not up front with honesty.
It would be very difficult for you and such difficulty has the risk of continuing.
Thanks for your replies. He told me he didn't tell me about the money from his sister, which was a huge amount because he was worried that I'd get angry. This came out after I'd helped him myself a few times, which at the time I needed that money myself. As he was struggling I told him not to pay me back. However, I then found out about the money his sister had given him. I'm finding it hard to move past this, and I don't know if my feelings are correct or if I should just forget about it? I told him hiding stuff was the same as lying and he disagreed. Yes, money went missing from my tin. I know I didn't make a mistake because there was only me and him at my house during that time. That money was never found. He told me he did not take it, and that I made the mistake. I know this wasn't true. Since I've had it locked away nothing has gone missing, and my entries for this money are always correct. I can't explain that. My point is, and this is what I'm struggling with, I'm still angry, and it doesn't seem to be going away. It's making me distance myself from him because I don't know what the truth is anymore. I can't speak to any of my family about it because firstly, they'd tell me to end it and if I didn't, they'd write him off. To my knowledge he didn't have a gambling problem but....
, maybe he did. He knows my thoughts about gambling addicts because I ended my last relationship because of that. If he did in the past, he doesn't have one now because he's either working or he's with me. I can't seem to come to a conclusion about my future with him. I agree, there needs to be trust, and that seems to have been eroded from my perspective. How do you learn to trust someone again? I'm not even sure if he's with me for the right reasons. I've always been good with finances, he hasn't. This didn't come out until we were established in the relationship. I told him recently that if I'd known about the money his sister gave him I wouldn't have allowed him to move in with me because when we met he told me he had very little in savings but that wasn't true because he was given the $35,000 right at that time, and then I helped in out not knowing this information. I can't make a decision about what to do? Should I tell him I need time out from the relationship to think about things?
Hello Jurani, he has told you that he won't support you financially and money is missing, well you can support a person who is struggling, but you can't if they keep lying to you, the trust has vanished and if he's living with you, then it's his responsibility to pay you half of the costs.
He shouldn't be allowed to use the utilities, eat the food and live rent free while money is disappearing, love can't be stretched to that amount, because you aren't sure what else may be happening and if he's borrowed $35,000 from his sister then chances are it won't be returned, just like what he's taken from you.
I can't tell what to do, but I can suggest that your partner needs to go.
You can never be sure what else he is doing behind your back.
I don't think you'll find the direct answer from many people.
If the sky is blue and you and your partner is sunbaking, but he says it's overcast and you felt compelled to confirm it with your neighbours then the problem will unfortunately be within your lack of confidence.
This is a common dilemma. Add to that lack of trust AND his lack of consideration for your financial ramifications of lending him money when you needed it yourself, you are so affected you have to seek help.
He may or may not be gambling but he is gambling on your vulnerability.
I'I'sorry if I come across as blunt. You are in a situation whereby your relationship is on the line but sometimes it's more supportive to highlight reality than to put hope in a future that will have ongoing cycles of mistrust. It's sad but there is always a better future after the dust has settled from a separation.
It's ok to disagree and other members may have differing views. That's what it's all about- giving you options.
After reading your post, it seems that money is a big obstacle in your relationship, as well as a lack of communication and possibly trust issues on both your sides. I can imagine how much this has upset you and that you are may be experiencing difficulties trusting him.
How do you feel that you can resolve this?