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Unreasonable neighbour causing Anxiety...
Hi and welcome Mcrates!
I applaud you for having the courage to come on BB and voice your concerns. It sounds like a distressing situation; it's no wonder you're having anxiety.
When setting boundaries for ourselves we have control, but we don't have power to control others. Your neighbour might be more reasonable if you ask her to attend a formal mediation process. I'm sure your local council will be able to advise on this service.
Even if she refuses, you've proven your worth by suggesting it and this will serve you well in the future if things escalate. As she owns her property, she can't just get up and leave like you can. That's in your favour.
If you have access to a psychologist, it might be helpful to talk it out with someone not emotionally involved with you. Your GP can organise it if this isn't already set up. Your GP can also attend to the anxious feelings you're having if they're severe.
Facing situations like this over a long period of time can be detrimental to your health hun. If it doesn't improve, it may be in your best interest to ask for help from your real estate agent to find better suited accommodation.
I'm not surprised that walking in your rear yard seems scary. You obviously live alone which can be quite isolating when conflict occurs. I'm in the same boat. I know what I'd do, but it may not suit your personality. I'd ask her to talk and then cry about how scared I felt.
I know this sounds manipulative, but it's worth considering letting her know how she affects you. Showing your emotions will at least show her she's accountable for how her choices affect others.
I still think mediation would support you better as they're really experienced people when dealing with emotive conflict.
I wish you the best of luck. Please don't hesitate to call in here whenever you like ok? It's a great place to find company and connect in anonymity and safety.
Lovely to meet you Mcrates;
I kept on asking him to turn it down, sometimes he did and sometimes only a bit, but I used to go walking early in the morning by driving down to a park where 3 of us walked and had a chat, so when I came home I turned my car radio up as loud as it could go and that's what he didn't like, so after that he had his radio turned down.
That worked for me, but not sure if the same could prove the point to your next door neighbour, alternatively you could ring the police for disturbance, because there is a certain level of noise pollution that people are allowed, I know this maybe not what you want to do, but it's a thought.
Please don't lend her any money, not even a cent, because you will never get it back. Geoff.
Hi again Macca;
I'm so glad you've found some mindfulness in your upside down world. Knitting is wonderful for this; I can't do it anymore due to arthritis in my hands. (Wish I had a granddaughter to make socks for) 😕
I'm also happy my words helped you feel more confident and 'validated'. 🙂 Well done for taking things on board and doing the doing.
After reading more about your situation, I'm thinking seriously that approaching this woman yourself isn't safe. You need to be protective of you and your property. If she's abusive with her partner, she'll probably do the same to you.
Befriending someone like this has many risks involved. Please be mindful of 'boundaries'; physical ones and emotional ones. Self first!!!
Again, I reiterate about talking with council rep's about mediation. They'll inform her in writing. You don't have to do anything. Police can be helpful as well. It's best to get professional advice I think. I don't want to see you on here telling us how bad it's gotten or that you've been hurt. God forbid!
Sorry for being such a worry wart; it's that I care and want you to be safe. As I said, I live alone too and I know how hard it can be when isolated and scared.
So apart from all my doom and gloom, it sounds as if you're in a better frame of mind and doing what you can to stay positive. I'm happy for you. I hope things are on the up and up hun and you don't have to look back.
Have a great day; I'm going MIA for a few days (on a cruise) and will return next week.
Please keep us informed about your situation as it may not be over such yet. Geoff.