Understanding Break in Relationship

[Justbecauseme]

I need some support/advise on my situation. My bf and I have been in a very happy relationship for 6months. Not one issue, problem fight etc. He has always told me i am the one, and that he wishes he met me years ago. WE have such a connection it isn't funny and the love is so real. We both havnt' had this feeling for other partners in the past. We both have suffered badly with depression and anxiety, however worked through it in our past to keep it at bay and under control. From day 1 he has told me about an anger issue he has (non violent towards people) just has anger outburst and breaks things. (his sons confirmed this). He has never shown this side to me and said i don't want to see it as i'll freak out and run. So out of the blue the other night, he told me he needs to go and get it fixed, but he can't do it when in the relationship with me. He said the only way to protect me from it is to ask me to step aside, give him the time to go get help. He has told me he is 90% sure he'll be back and let him do what he has to for the sake of us. I'm so confused. I so understand his position. He told me he has not dealt with it in the past relationships, and one ended up with police getting called. He said he doesn't want to go down that path, an he wishes he dealt with it before meeting me. He has said the only way he can protect me from this, is to have the break. I have told him i'm not going anywhere and i am here to support him. He has asked for the space and has told me recently that just by me giving him the space, no contact etc, has really helped him. I am devastated and it has triggered my anxiety and depression. I am seeking counselling and am going to my doctors today to get some medication again as my anxiety is very high. I just don't know how to deal with this situation. Our relationship and bond is so strong. I'm willing to wait, but its hard not talking to him daily. His job has triggered his anger/depression/anxiety, and he has to get help if he wants to ever keep a job down. He is a very honest genuine man, and does what he says he will do, But how do i help myself in the mean time? I didn't expect my depression and anxiety to be triggered. I'm excising, seeing a Councillor, and now going to go back on my meds. I think it will all work out, but it's so hard when i want to support him but can't be there physically to help him. Has anyone been in this situation??

[Doolhof]

Hi Justbecuaseme,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds like it is a confusing time for you and you are not really sure what to do. It is great you are able to recognise your own needs right now and you are seeking the help you need.

It can be hard to understand and accept why people do some things. Your boyfriend sounds like he is very concerned that you do not see or witness his anger. In a way, I would be thankful of that.

Hopefully he can receive the help he needs and you can be re-united again. Maybe he does need to work through this himself.

Do you have family and friends who can support you right now?

Sharing how you are feeling here will hopefully be beneficial for you. It helps me to write things down, it assists me to work out my feelings more.

If you have a look on the Beyond Blue website, there is a section titled Supporting Someone and under that is a section Looking after yourself. There is also information on Anxiety that you might find helpful.

Waiting is not always easy. Hopefully you can find meaningful and positive things to do to help fill in your days.

Regards from Dools