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Unable to copy with separation - my husband cheated with his best friend's partner & got her pregnant.. I am struggling
My husband and I got together in 2011. We lived together straight away. We bought a business together in 2013 (with my mother), bought our house in May 2014 (with my mother) and got married in July 2014.
In October 2014, I caught him deleting text messages from his best friend's girlfriend, T. I accused him of having an affair and he told me I was crazy. For the first part of the year he was unavailable. He had been renovating T's mother's house and wouldn't spend time with me. He said he was getting paid for doing this but I never saw the money. Obviously I was suspicious but he told me I was crazy. He didn't really try in the relationship and told me it was my fault our relationship was struggling because I depressed and that I didn't give him enough attention. We had also talked about having a baby and planned to get pregnant, then all of a sudden he didn't want to and refused. He asked for a divorce last year on 5 May 2015. We had been fighting a lot and I had been struggling with my depression and anxiety
A few days later he said he had made a mistake and we got back together. Over the next month he did not really try to fix things. He was withdrawn. On 28 May 2014, he asked for a divorce again.
On 1 June 2015, I found 9 naked photos of T (his best friend's girlfriend) on my computer, dated 17 February 2015. He said all he did was send and receive photos. She also said this. I told them both I didn't believe him and kicked him out. To this day, he has still maintained nothing ever happened. She said it started with her sending him one photo "by accident" and then escalated. She said it was my fault, and her partner's fault, because her and my husband weren't getting enough attention from their partners. We separated, but he still tried to get back with me. I ignored him.
I found out from other people they were together. Only recently, I found out they had a baby in February 2016. She had been pregnant when we were still together.
I am struggling to let go. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him and still miss him every day. I don't know why I still miss him when he hurt me so much. I cry whenever I think of him, and constantly get upset thinking she has stolen my life. We had only been married for 9 months when he had first asked for a divorce. I am still in denial and it is hard to accept he could do all of this to me. Finding out about the baby has only made everything worse. I really need help..
Hello and welcome. It's good you have found this forum and ask for help. This is a supportive forum of people who have all had difficulties in their lives.
I am so sorry that you are in this sad place. Do you have any family who can help you? I see you bought your house and business with your mother, so I presume she lives with you. Can you talk to her about your feelings? I find it helps to speak to someone who cares, even though they cannot change the situation. Do you have any other friends or family to talk to?
I understand how heartbreaking it must be to find your husband has a child when you have been deciding to start a family. Again I am so very sorry this has happened. How long have you been separated? Are you going to continue with the divorce? I am not here to tell you what to do, but I can give you support on this forum with your decision, whatever it is.
I would like to be able to give you some comfort but unfortunately it does not translate well electronically. Legal matters are not always in the forefront of our minds in situation such as these, but I do suggest you look into this part of your life. If there are no funds available I suggest you contact the Women's Legal Service in your state.
As I said, it makes life a little easier if you have someone to talk to. Perhaps you could contact Relationships Australia if there is a branch in your town/city? The fees are low and the care great.
I hope you will continue to write in here.
I’m really sorry to hear what has happened and I do feel for you.
Mary has provided you with a lovely response and I too think what Mary has said.
I would also like to mention that it might also be a possibility of seeking out some professional kind of help as well; just at this current time, when things are so raw and difficult for you. Eg: maybe going along to your GP and they “may” be able to refer you to an appropriate counsellor. Just someone who’s experienced (or has experience in dealing with these kinds of situations) who may be able to give you some tips or advice on how to steer your thinking away from your current thoughts?
I realise it’s very tough for you at the moment, so I do hope you can find a little easing of tension, by even coming here to post and vent. And yes, you can unload and vent here all you like.
We’ll be here to support you as much as we can.