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Community Member

We are together for more than 5 years.

Bit of background. We came here as student from overseas. I don't have family here. She does have her brother not far from our place.

We met in Uni. and after 1 year of live-in relation married here in Australia. Took me a while to convince my parents for the decision.

Since beginning she has anger issues and I have tries too many times to get a divorce or separation.

She gets angry on trivial issue (at-least seems to me). Once I accidentally left my socks with her laundry and we fought for all day.

Last 5 years was really rough. I lost my all friends, relatives in Australia.

She is not happy to go out with her friends as she says you are enough for me I don't need anyone else. If I ask to go out with friends of family she stops me by accusing I don't love her, I don't care for her and I always priorities other on top of her.

Even if I manage to go out and come late despite informing her always have day long arguments when I come home so I no longer go out without her.

It is always me who do maintain lawn, vacuum, mop, dishes, cooking, shopping, taking out bins and so forth. Asked her once to give a hand in house chores but her replay was I am your wife not maid. In terms of finance I never took day off even if I am sick. She sent cash to her parents but I never opposed. (Tried but doesn't work).

Recently I ask her that I am going for a drink with my male co-worker. Her response was come home I am finishing work early and can't be home alone. I was so tired of controlling behavior and went for the drink anyway. Since then I am sleeping in different room and not had normal conversation.

Last week I tried to behave normal bring her food and had dinner together. She was happy for sometime. On the same night we went to bed but after sometime she wake me up again that how can I fall sleep without making sure she is sleeping or not. She believes I should be with her 24/7 and look after her all the time.

Every time I take the initiative she keeps crying and her parents keep emotionally pushing me to stay with her. I have moved out and living separately for one week. I don't know what to do.

3 Replies 3

Hi infodsagar,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for sharing this here. We’re really sorry to hear what you’re going through. 

In a healthy relationship, you should be communicated with and treated with respect, so it might be worth having a look at the 1800Respect pages on healthy relationships. It sounds like it could be useful to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss how you’ve been treated by your partner and his family. They're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here.  You could also speak to  Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, such as this one on communication in relationships.

It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here. It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.

We’re sure our warm and kind community will spot your post soon, some of whom may be able to relate to what you’re going through. Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story here.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi there,

This seems stressful and I am sorry you are going through this. Controlling behaviour does take a toll on one's mental health.

What you need to do now entirely depends on what you feel is right - do you continue with this relationship or not? Will you be happier alone? Or do you want to make things work? Only you know the answer.

Again, I am sorry this is happening and the team at BB are always up for a chat.

Jaz xx

Community Member

Hi Jaz,

Thank you for reply. I am currently living separately. I am going every day for walk after my work and listening classical music. I am eating on time and having adequate sleep. I am talking with my friends and family on the phone. I am feeling relaxed but going back and living with my wife again just gives me anxiety. I don't when she will come back and emotionally and mentally force me to come back. Even if I can't remarry for rest of my life I would prefer that rather than going back.