Two months post break up and lost

[kikik]

Hi,

Two months ago I was in a relationship I never thought would end. I was ready to marry him and spend the rest of my life with my best friend. He left because he claims he fell out of love. I want to hate him for it so badly, but I can’t.

I have friends and family who support me and I’m so grateful for that, but it’s this constant ache that’s there. He’s gone and he promised he would never leave. Some days I feel so strong and grateful for how much I’m learning about myself through this whole process but other days feel like nothing will ever feel good again.

The person you wanted to share your life with is gone and not coming back. How do you lose a best friend and boyfriend in seconds. I’ve been in love before but not like this. This person made everything feel so easy and simple and as cliche as it sounds, it feels like he took part of me with him.

Ive tried everything I can to stay positive and keep pushing past the worst of it but the longer it’s been the worse I’m starting to feel. I never thought I would have to feel like this. Not because of him

[quirkywords]

Hello Kikik and welcome to the forum.

IT must be so upsetting when you think you have found the person you will marry and spend your life with only to find he left you.

That constant ache that follows you as an unwanted companion is so painful.

I am so glad you have support from your friends and family and that you have days that you are learning about yourself.

What you have described is the grieving you go through after a break up and after 2 months it is natural to have up and down days. Your life has been turned upside down so you will be trying to make sense of it all.

Is it possible to use the things you have learnt about yourself to help you in your dark days. Everyone takes time to get over a sudden break up. Some people reading this will relate to what you have written. You are not alone and there is support here.

Feel free to post here as much as you want.

Quirky

[Clear82]

I listened to a podcast about break ups and what stuck in my head is when I go through a break up I remember oh how good that day was or oh I miss how that felt. Then I feel sad.

I forget about why he wasn’t good for me and why the relationship wasn’t right. I then made a list on my phone of why it wasn’t right. First thing on my list was he lead me on because I told him I liked him and he never did and I deserve more.

Break ups are hard and we think we won’t get through it but we do.

[White_Rose]

Dear Kikik

Welcome to the forum. So pleased you found your way here. Have you read any other threads? You may find it helpful to read the threads in the Relationships and Family Issues forum. I can't point to any specific posts but in general there are posts about loss and grief, managing lives and feeling let down. Perhaps you can join some of the conversations and gain some comfort 'talking' with others.

Losing the person you thought was your partner for life must have been devastating. I am so sorry for the pain this has caused you. As Clear has said, Break ups are hard and we think we won’t get through it but we do. It's not what you want to hear I know but it is true. This grief will not last forever. In the meantime what can you do to help yourself? You have already found some inner strength and learning about yourself. It's the nature of this to have good and bad days but you will find the good days will exceed the bad.

That constant ache and feeling of loss cannot be got rid of in a hurry. It's what we usually want at these times but pushing it away will only extend the pain and mourning. Try to let it wash over you without holding on. Some deep breathing at this time can help. It will go I promise. Try not to fight it.

If posting here is helpful please continue.

Mary