Two and a half months after break up and still feel terrible.

[jason600]

Hi my partner walked out on me two and a half months ago saying she wants a six month break.Well I hung on for day after day hoping we would get Back together, sometimes she would send me some positive messages other times she was very cold.Couldn't believe the change in her behaviour we had been together for 12 years and now it seemed she didn't care. My emotions were riding a roller coaster always thinking we would find a way.I then went away on a course for men getting in touch with there feelings , never done anything like this before but managed to connect with quite a few other men going through emotional problems. When I left the course I felt quite positive about things and sent my ex partner explaining what I had learnt on the course and how I thought we could sort our problems out.She replied that she didn't want to get back with me and only wants to be friends.Well I am absolutely gutted and almost back to where I was 11weeks ago , feel sick all the time , anxious and carnt seem to see any future ,feels all so overwhelming. Lost my appetite and don't really go surfing anymore.Just want to know when these feelings will ease up. .I have managed not to contact her for three days and it feels terrible .I am always checking phone and have anxiety and just want to text.

God I just wish these feelings would ease up .I realise they won't go away just find them so overwhelming .Managed to have some time of work just worried when I return I will crack up and message her.

Any help is welcome. Jason

[white knight]

Hi Jason,

Yes, been there 3 times, now my fourth is a gem. And that's the trick really, finding another that appreciates you fully and is even more compatible.

But another tip is to keep really busy. I decided in 1996 after 11 years of a marriage (included two young kids so was extra hard) that I'd buy a block of land and build my own house. I also worked 3 jobs including shift work. Frankly I had no time to wallow in grief.

She has her reasons but its sad that she said she wanted a 6 month break then rejected that a few months later. Some people do that to make fronting their partner easier but it is deceptive.

So try dating just for company. It's a great way to put things behind you.

Google

topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

topic: seeking a partner- beyondblue

topic: relationship split- beyondblue

Regards

Tony WK

[Tesss]

Hi....after my 18 year relationship ended it took 2 years before I felt like "me" and "normal" again. Its so overwhealming at the beginining . Give yourself time. Ive had a set back now ...which is why Im here. Goodluck.

[monkey_magic]

Morning Jason600,

21/2 months is a very short time compared to 12 years so you are bound to still have feeling swirling around everywhere- grief is such a process isn't it. I'd take deep breaths, take my time, feel my feelings and let them go. From your post it sounds like you still do have strong feelings for her, that will change in time as you are further along in accepting that it's over. And I'm really sorry to hear that it hasn't gone your way. Can you think of reasons why you are better off not together? I'd jot them down and look at them to help yourself get over/ move passed her.

I agree with what White Knight has said which is in the future to find another that appreciates you fully and is more compatible with you. That does the trick. You probably don't want to even go there at this stage but from experience of being deeply in love I did manage to move on and find other loves again but it does take time.

Be patient with yourself. You've got this. You may have to ride the rollercoaster for a while but it won't be forever.

All the best

[Just_talk]

Hi Jason

It takes time, Im 18 months out of a 22 year relationship and just turned 40. Its a grieving process that you have to go though and its the hardest thing I have done.You have to take it a day at a time and trust me I feel you pain. I didnt cope well and have 3 kids under 9 which made it extra hard. Is there someone you can talk to . I fought seeking help for 12 months but am now talking about it and am finally getting some closure. It still hurts like you wouldn't believe. Dig deep, you've got this.

[There]

Hi Jason,

Thank you for sharing.

I’m right there with you (3 months out for me) so I know how you’re feeling. There are some days that are easier than others and the other days that are horrible all you can do is ride it out.

Work out what tools you need to get you through this. Self talk is a huge help for me. Write a letter to yourself and carry it with you. Read it when your in those moments of sadness. Remind yourself that you are a strong amazing person and you can do this. Use us here on this forum. Tell us the day your having. You don’t have to write heaps if you don’t want. Use the chat function B.B. has here or call and talk to someone. Talk to your friends and family. Maybe all you need to hear is some supportive words from them. Treat yourself. Do things YOU want to do. You are in control, own that. Excersise, eat well or eat whatever the hell you want! Work out the tools that help you to get trough the day, use and abuse them. It’s hard, one of the hardest things we do.

We are here for you Jason.

J x

[jason600]

Just reading through what you guys have written is truly healing. Just yo know other people are having the same issues and dealing with it softens the blow.

Well finally worked out that the relationship is finally over and now allowing the feelings to rest inside me. She texted me that yesterday we would go surfing and would ring me to arrange the time. The next day nothing , previous to that she said she would go to cinema then cancelled at last minute. Every time dhr offers me something I jump like a little puppy only to be knocked down at the last minute. So now is the time to stay out of contact and try to stay calm. Since I have allowed the idea of " its over " to sit with me , I have been having minor panic attacks .Mostly about never meeting anyone and spending my future on my own .Think theses are normal feelings.

Would like to thank everyone who replied , really helped .

Sending Love Jason

[Anna_Mac]

Hi Jason,

My 8 year relationship ended abruptly 5 months ago and I still have the occasional cry and feel sad. Whenever I feel sad I tell myself lots of other people are going through the exact same thing. This seems to cheer me up a bit, I let myself cry and then try to do something nice for myself. I also worried a lot about spending the future alone and will I ever meet someone else, I recently decided all of that was really out of my hands and I just have to wait to see what happens. It's helped quite a bit. Hope you're doing okay.

Anna

[jason600]

Just going to write down how I am feeling seems to help getting it written down. So I guess after 11 weeks of hoping we would get back together I must accept it is over. When we were on the so called " break " she was really keen on travelling to the UK to work , I said it was a good idea and would do the same mostly so I could be close to her and the idea of her in the UK and me in Australia was a bit much. She is still going to the UK and I am still thinking of going not sure why , I have friends over there I could stay with. Last week I got so upset about things , I decided to get in contact with her . I suggested that we could share a house together in the UK as friends . God knows what I was thinking , she replied ."How would I handle it if she met somebody else and brought them home " and I replied it would not be a problem . Crazy it would break my heart basically felt like I was begging. Well time moves and I am still suffering . Managed to see a psychologist through a government scheme and surrounding myself with friends , even moved into my best friends place .Now I believe I have to go through the No contact phase after all this time I am only starting to do this , wish I had started a long time ago .Not going to lie the no contact is unbearable just keep having theses cravings .I managed two days and then she texted me asking if I wanted to go surfing , I foolishly replied yes and then waited all day for a text that never arrived ,So here I am back to day 2 of No Contact and finding it hard ,have a lot of fear of the future and never meeting anyone ,my friends say I am being stupid .Still good to get my feelings out still not sure if I should go to the UK . Jason

[jason600]

Thanks for the reply , not sure how to go about Dating just for company , been so long since I had to date .Have you any suggestions , websites etc .Although I think I would find it hard it might be a good idea.

Many Thanks Jason