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Trying to work out why I got so angry at my best friend
I was at his get together yesterday and I misunderstood something he said from what I perceived caused him to get frustrated judging by his facial expression and reaction.
This made me go all quiet and feel hurt.
I sat in the kitchen of his place on my own and the hurt built up, my friend walked past me and was all cheery trying to get my attention as I was looking down, I all of a sudden got up and said to him I don't like how he talked to me and stormed out of his place and to my car.
My friend ran after me, stepping onto the road as I was driving away and I pulled over and we talked it through.
He said he did not know what I was angry about and didn't know what I was talking about when I was telling him why I got angry.
He did have a few to drink and said he was a bit drunk.
He said he loves me and wouldn't do nothing to hurt me and looked genuinely concerned.
I decided to return back inside his place once my tears dried up.
I was the last to leave last night.
I messaged him today to apologise for how I reacted.
He's upset that I would doubt him after nearly 20 years of friendship and said that I made him feel like a stranger.
This has got me feeling so sad that I made him feel this way. I am regretful for my behaviour.
My friend did get a bit snappy at me a few weeks ago on a night out and messaged me to apologise saying it is not okay when I said it's okay.
I was thinking he's done it again and this is what caused my emotions to boil over and me to storm out of his place last night.
I was also thinking, I am stupid as a person and a frustrating friend for him because of his snapping at me sometimes.
I mentioned this to him last night and he said he loves me and that is not how he thinks of me.
I am feeling so depressed over this and don't know what to do, haven't been able to leave my bed other than to go toilet or eat lunch today.
I am fearful this will cause a rift in our friendship even though my friend assured me that it would take a lot more than that to ruin our friendship.
My friend said it's water under the bridge and told me there's no need to talk about it next time we catch up.
I just can't get over the guilt, the embarrassment.
I have been diagnosed with depression/dysthymia, GAD, social anxiety. Is this causing this cognitive flaw and my anger?
It's not the first time I've stormed off on people in anger. Did it well over 10 years ago with the same friend and two other times with my sister and my brother in law's friend.
My current diagnosis is anxiety and depression but I feel like there may be some bi-polar moments and do wonder if there is something else to me.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I do this also then I wonder why. At work last week I got so annoyed very quickly over the fact that someone was leaving early and why should they when I've been there longer, I actually went into the Office Manager and told her I was annoyed. I was over the top upset, yet at the time logically I knew I was over reacting, my emotions were totally different and I was feeling it.
Then I went to a work function and felt silly for my behaviour, I felt over the top for storming in and now I feel guilty and wonder how my work will perceive me - will it ever be forgotten.
I've chosen to deal with it by making a plan for my behaviour, when I feel this way I'm going to take a walk and calm down before I decide to storm in on my manager.
You can't change what's happened, make a plan for moving forward even tell your friend that you don't understand why you behaved that way and tell him your plan? I'm sorry you are feeling this way, I'm facing the same thing with work, another sleepless anxiety driven night and feelings of guilt when I walk into that office but I can only move forward so will do that the best way I can.
MisterM, from what i can see above and in my humble opinion, you have had a simple miscommunication with your mate and your anxiety and blown it up in your mind.
It certainly appears to me that your friend is genuine when he says that he loves you. You have been mates for so long. Mates have disagreements from time to time but you move on. You get over it and stay mates.
Communication is key here. Does your mate know about your depression and anxiety? If he doesn't may be a really good opportunity to sit down and talk him through it.
Make sure you keep an eye on your own health though. You do not want your depression and anxiety building up and getting to a level where it is hard to manage. Might also be a good time to go to the GP or psych to have a chat about it. Self care is so important.
Busymum and Mark make some great points. I do agree that this is not a critical issue and in all likelihood, your question in regards to your depression/GAD magnifying and distorting these events is a categorical yes. Of course distressed and depressed emotional states make small matters, seem big. So go easy on yourself, and your friend.
Try to be conscious of your feelings going forward - instead of the normal feeling --> react, try to feel --> let the feeling be without judgement --> acceptance of the feeling --> and quiet observance of the feeling. This way, you break the chain between feeling/thought/habit --> repeat. Once you break this chain through awareness, in time you'll experience less tension in such situations.
All my best to you.
Thank you all for your replies.
MarkJT, yes he knows about it.
Since I started this thread I typed my friend a letter and sent it to him via Facebook. I felt that that was the best way for me to explain things and why I reacted as I am not the best to express myself in person or via online chat.
He read it and thanked me for it. As far as he is concenred the matter is over.
He assured me I didn't kill the vibe at his party and that we are still mates yet I still feel fear that I've ruined the closeness of our friendship. He's my only friend so it hurts me more so.
I feel like if I keep bringing it up with him and apologising it will annoy him so I am going to leave it unless he wants to bring it up in future. I'm just so scared of losing him.
I can't work out why I reacted so strongly and dramatically. The guests were asking if I was okay. So embarrassed.
I wrote the letter to him to try get my head around it but I am still lost for answers.
I want to see an affordable psychologist as I am unemployed.
I am on medication but why does this happen when I am on it.
I need CBT. I promised my friend I will seek help for my issues.
I'm still struggling with this.
I forgot to mention earlier I did not have any alcohol that night so my judgement wasn't affected by it.
I can't explain why I chose to behave that way.
Been crying and sleeping in very late and not leaving my bed other than to shower, eat, toilet.
I am worried I won't be invited anymore because I am a risk due to my behaviour.
Who would want to be in my company.
I am worried my friend will act differently towards me worried that he may cause me to explode again.
I had such a great time at this party until I blew it, I was meant to wake up the next day happy that I had a great time not slip into this depression.
We've had a deep and meaningful heart to heart chat. He told me he's already forgotten about it.
Phew, I feel relief.