Toxic personality

[Newbie78]

Hi, I am wondering of anyone here has had experience with a friend or partner who has a toxic personality? I have read a bit about it and think I may be dealing with one. Keen to find a therapist in this field.

[geoff]

Hello Newbie, thanks for posting your comment and sorry that you trying to cope in a situation like this, and if you are able to give us a little more description, then we'll be able to help you.

We tend to believe what we read on the net but in each situation, your circumstances may be slightly different, however, if you can talk with your doctor then they will be able to direct you to the appropriate help.

If you are 25 years or under then Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 may be of assistance by phone, webchat or online or perhaps Home | 1800RESPECT or copy and paste this 'Dealing with a toxic friendship | ReachOut Australia'.

It would be great to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Newbie78]

Hi Geoff, thank you so much. Double standards are one, various control measures have also come into it. Eg what subjects are ok to talk about and when, what responses are appropriate in public.

[jaz28]

Hi Newbie,

Toxic relationships are difficult, especially trying to identify one when you are in it. I am sorry.

You can see your GP and discuss what options could be available therapy-wise in trying to deal with a toxic person. Otherwise, you can try the links Geoff suggested.

Take care,

Jaz.

[The_Bro]

Hi there Newbie 78 - thanks for reaching out!

I have not experienced this personally but have a good friend (male) who has. His partner was habitually negative, putting him down, was difficult to deal with and as a result my friend often felt worthless.

He sought advice and found that this particular condition is very often brought about by that person struggling to deal with their own stresses and traumas. Mostly these are not apparent.

Of course I am not at all qualified to give advice on this subject or even begin to recognise that it is toxic personality - just to pass on what happened with my friend.

After a lot of thought and preparation, he sat his partner down and made it very that he held her in very high regard and wanted a successful and enduring relationship. That lead on to him saying how hurt he was by some of her comments, wondered if there was much respect there, and how it was effecting how he felt about her. He was very careful not to get defensive about any spontaneous responses she gave.

That set up a suitable platform to ask her if everything was OK and could he possibly help in any way. From what I have heard, her response was heartbreaking - personal childhood details that my friend was never aware about. He was careful to listen intently and not interrupt - just listen and acknowledge what she was saying.

The good news is that once the background was in the open, the two of them could discuss their feelings much more openly and with the respect that was missing earlier. He said it was quite difficult to do so initially, but did get easier with practice.

They are still together and I understand have a pretty good relationship, although from time to time my friend has to remind her of their discussion.

So from what I hear, your situation may benefit from a similar response, but I hasten to add that every relationship is different and may benefit from a slightly different approach.

It may be worthwhile seeking professional advice as recommended by Geoff.

I hope this helps a little bit - very happy to discuss further if that would help.

Regards, The Bro