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Toxic Girl Causing So Much Pain
Two friends of mine had been in my life for over 10 years, before a horrible girl was introduced to them through my friend’s partner.
Straight away I could see the toxic signs of this girl, she was vein, gossipy, Instagram/Snapchat obsessed and had a chaotic drama filled life. My other two friends could not see this side to her and regularly began to hang out with her more and more.
Eventually she became the queen bee of the group and everyone felt intimidated by her because she was a control freak, although had come from a wealthy family and was able to afford beautiful designer clothing and to do whatever she wanted. She is also a size 6 in clothing and loved to flaunt her body in revealing clothing whenever our group of friends went out together.
Although I’m not a shy person, I didn’t feel comfortable flaunting my body around and wearing revealing clothing to try and get attention. I wanted to keep my friends I had known for years by not expressing my dislike for this girl to them, however one day I couldn’t help myself and completely lost it.
The toxic girl was trying to plan a surprise party for one of my other friends, and she was being a control freak about the whole thing. She wouldn’t listen to anyone else’s ideas and kept insisting that the party was planned her way. I finally vented my frustrations to her by telling her that I felt disrespected by her and that if we were going to get along, she needed to realise that I have had a friendship with my friend for over 10 years and know her very well, therefore my ideas for the party needed to be respected.
The toxic girl went ballistic and caused an unnecessary drama between myself and my other two friends of over 10 years.
To my surprise, my other two friends took the toxic girl’s side and gradually became more and more distant from me. I didn’t chase my friends, I let them go as I figured if they couldn’t see through her toxic behaviour then they weren’t worth fighting for.
It’s been 2 years since that time and I have felt so much pain and loneliness from losing my friends to that horrible girl. I have watched the toxic girl be apart of my friend’s wedding which I wasn’t even invited to, and have been completely excluded from their social activities.
Does anyone else here have a similar experience with toxic friends who can share their story? I feel so lonely at times and don’t know if there are other people who can relate to my experience.
10+ years of friendship is a very long time. No wonder you feel so much loss and hurt. I feel sometimes friendship losses mirror relationship breakups because as they can both be absolutely heartbreaking...
It must have felt like an (emotional) kick in the guts when your friends sided with the toxic girl despite your 10+ years of friendship. I would think, even if it wasn’t their intention, it would have felt like a betrayal...that would really, really sting. I would feel deeply hurt too if one of my close friends did that to me...
To have been excluded from all social events, and in particular, a wedding would have really been, as you said, painful...
While I’ve had issues with friends, I’m sorry, I don’t really have a similar experience to share. But, to some extent, I do understand how painful it can be to lose friends and how painful betrayal from friends can be. It really does hurt...very much so...
I’m wondering if you have much support elsewhere, such as, other friends you can turn to or family members? It’s just that you sound so lonely...
If you’re feeling up to it, it would be lovely to hear from you again. No pressure but you’re welcome to write as often as you here like to purge those feelings. I know some people find writing here cathartic...
Kind and caring thoughts,
LoveFlowers, what a lovely name,
welcome to the forum and thanks for writing your first post.
I am sorry you have had this experience s because while friends can be wonderful and supportive they can also cause heartache and problems.
I can understand that you feel the pain of losing the friendships and the loneliness you feel by being left out of their lives for the past two years.
I remember when I was university and a new girl came and I introduced her to our small group of three because I could see she was lonely. I went out of my way to make her feel welcome. Everything went well for a while but then I noticed my 2 older friends and my new friend were doing things together that was not invited to. the new friend was not mean but they seemed to have more in common, as they all liked sports and I was a complete klutz. They joined a sporting team and so spent a lot of time together.Then they had social events from the sporting team so was always left out.
I know this is is different tomwhat you have experienced but I did feel isolated and disappointed that I introduced this person to my friends and then I was excluded. If I said anything I was told I was being immature.
I can see how hard it must be for you when you were just standing up to the new girl but your friends took her side.
I am wondering if the new girl was maybe insecure and jealous of you because you were close to your friends.
In the last 2 years have you made any new friends?
Thanks for sharing your story. You are not alone. Others will be able to relate your story .
Feel,free to post here as much as you want.
There are other threads here that you may find helpf as well about friendships.
It is difficult to understand why friendships and relationships don't always work out. I have been friends with a person for 30 years and just recently I don't hear from them anymore. It is hard to understand why. People change I guess.
Is it possible for you to talk to one of your original friends without the others being present and see if yo can catch up for coffee perhaps.
If this does happen, don't talk about Toxic Girl at all, just ask how your friend is and what is happening for them.
It might work, or it might not and cause you more pain, so I guess only you can decide if that is an option or not.
Like Quirky and Pepper have asked, do you have other friends or have you thought about where you could meet other people?
I've met different people through volunteering.
All the best to you, cheers from Dools
Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding.
It’s nice to know there are decent people out there!
To be honest, I have isolated myself from people I used to see regularly. Another few good friends of mine have also moved hours away from our home town, which has caused more loneliness for me.
My fiancé has a large group of friends who all still live in our hometown, so he is constantly going out with his friends and even weekends away. I would never hold him back from his social life, however I do feel so lonely not having a similar friend group to him.
I am finding it hard to make new friendships as I get older, I’m not sure if that’s just my thinking or if there’s more I could be doing to reach out to new people.
I suppose I’m in a bit of a pickle!
Can you go out with your fiancés friends?
Are there clubs or groups in your area you could join?
Are there "Meet up" groups in your area?
Being with other people is something we are all wired up for. It is just not always easy in our modern socity to be with other people or to reach out to new people.
Hope you find some opportunities to expand the amount of people you know.
Cheers from Dools
Thanks for your reply.
Mrs Dools has given some helpful suggestions to help you meet people and hopefully make friends.
Joining a club or group where you have a similar interest is ome way of meeting people.
Do you have a particular interest, or hobby, or craft or sport, or love of music or dance or walking or swimming.?
I know someone who moved to a new town and met people simply by going for a walk each day.
I know it is not easy and at times it may mean going out our comfort zone.
Let us know what you think of some of the ideas suggested by the supportive people on this thread.
Hi LoveFlowers (and a wave to all your caring supporters),
Thank you so much for your lovely response 🙂
I think physical distance can be hard. You must miss your good friends terribly...
I think it’s beautiful how you encourage your fiancé to see his friends and do his own “thing.” To me, it shows you have a caring and generous heart...although it would be really nice if you had your own friendship circle too...
I was thinking perhaps, if you aren’t already, you could consider trying to organise regular catch-ups with your good friends e.g. every few weeks, once each month or whatever works best for everyone. I don’t know how often it can be, considering the distance, but maybe it’s worth a try. Just a gentle suggestion so it may or may not work for you but I wanted to share my idea anyway...
I had a close friend who once moved a couple of hours away but we still tried our best to see each other once each month so, depending on the circumstances, I feel it can be do-able if everyone is on board and committed to making the friendship work...thankfully, she has now moved back so geographically speaking, she’s much closer.
Also, I feel Doolhof and Quirky have both offered some thoughtful suggestions to try to meet new people/make new friends so maybe you might to consider those as well...
Anyway, it was really nice to hear from you...
Gentle and kind thoughts,