torn

[juleshapi]

Hi,

I live with a narcissitic bordeline with a range of concerning behaviours, mainly dark moods, flying off in a rage over minor issues, verbal abuse in front of our 10yr old, putting me down, playing victim at every turn, heavy drinker, sleep apnea, PTSD. I want to leave but I don't know the best way to do it, he is dependent on my financially, I worry about my son mostly, his father loves him and is not cruel to him, just me, I've left it before and my suffering was worse as a single parent and the constant abuse continued.

After another irrational outburst this morning after I asked him to not use my new beach towel to mop up dogs urine, he flies off in rage and brings up my past errors, getting off the subject, storms out. Criticizes readily but can't take it at all. I am so broken, has anyone been here that has some good advice, my self esteem is in tatters.

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Jules to our caring community;

It takes so much courage to come on BB forum and plead your case as you have, so well done my sweet. Domestic violence (DV) is one of the leading reasons for people to visit this site, not only spouses, but concerned family and children as well.

The cycle of abuse is devastating to all involved no matter the cause. Just because your husband doesn't pick on your son, it doesn't mean he's not affected by watching you get humiliated and abused instead. I don't want to sound harsh; I'd like to help if I can, but the cruel reality is, no-one but you can assess what's right or doable, then act on it.

These days there's plenty of support out there with Govt and non Govt agencies to help women leave DV and get back on their feet afterwards. There are helplines dedicated to DV and support groups all over the country.

I helplessly watched on as my sister stayed with her husband for 30 years until all her children were grown and supporting themselves. She often would throw herself in the line of fire amidst his outbursts to save her kids. They now have post trauma anxiety from witnessing the abuse.

To be blunt; your husband's breaking the law. You can't fix him, and while ever he has you as his beating board, he won't seek help.

My sister left with the clothes on her back and hasn't regretted it for one moment, except to say she should've done it decades ago.

I really don't want to see you in the same predicament. You and your son are precious and deserve a life without abuse. (In any form) Please call your local community services for advice and referral, or speak to your GP. I urge you to act asap.

I promise I won't talk like this again after today. I just needed to be straight up without sugar-coating it. I'm here for you; I care deeply about this issue of yours and will write what I can to help and encourage you.

Up till now you've been convinced you can't do it or fear you'll fail. I have faith in you. I just know you can live a life of peace and safety; you just need to have faith in yourself and the system that aims to protect women/children. Please...pick up the phone and call the DV crisis line in your state as soon as you can.

I'm in your corner Jules. Stay strong and;

Take care hun..

Sez